FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

by christian9294 / 02/08/2010 at 3:21pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I forgot it was her birthday. We had only been dating for 2 weeks. I didn't even know when it was. FML

by jake / 02/07/2010 at 1:56pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML

by nekoneko / 02/07/2010 at 12:15am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

by doggie_doo_face / 02/05/2010 at 7:50pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have fun at school. So, we went into the locker room. We were making out for a couple minutes when the door opened. It was the principal, who also happens to be her dad. FML

by topfisherman / 02/05/2010 at 3:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I discovered that my best friend of 3 years has me in her phone as "Stupid Bitch". FML

by hahahawoww / 01/30/2010 at 7:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my 8 year old nephew to Laser Tag for his birthday party. I reluctantly was forced into playing one game. Apparently, no one explained the rules to one child and instead of 'shooting' me with his laser pointer, he kicked me straight in the balls. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2010 at 12:40am / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML

by newniece / 01/26/2010 at 7:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was riding my dorm elevator from the 5th floor to the 1st by myself. Since the elevator is really slow, I pulled my pants and underwear down just for kicks. Just then, the door opened to let a girl on at the 4th floor. FML

by embareassed / 01/20/2010 at 12:27am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my two boys decided to draw in permanent marker on the leather seats of the car I have had up for sale for 3 weeks with no interest. I call my husband to tell him we're going to have to keep it. He just made an appointment with a guy who has cash and is ready to buy it tomorrow. FML

by momof2boys / 01/19/2010 at 4:59am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend decided to pants me in the middle of the mall. I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

by Jac / 01/17/2010 at 2:59pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked to my car to find a window smashed in. Lucky for me, nothing was stolen. It did, however, rain all morning. FML

by russty / 01/17/2010 at 12:45pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, my mother woke me up at 4:30 A.M. to tell me our dog was running down the street. I ran for an hour, chasing after her. Turns out it was our new neighbor's dog. Ours was in our basement. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2010 at 10:18am / United States (Ohio) / Animals