Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, I greeted my table (I'm a server) with a colloquial "Hey there, guys, how's it going?" The customers were three butch lesbians who thought I was incorrectly identifying their gender. I received no tip (on a $35 bill), and they registered a corporate complaint about my "insensitivity." FML

#29316
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36525) - you deserved it (4009)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by ServingYouWings (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and said I was not 'Christian enough' for her. Later I found out she had been cheating on me with my best friend. FML

Today, I wore a cute new striped shirt to work. One of my co-workers said to me "I like your shirt. Most fat people don't look good in horizontals." FML

#17532
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25699) - you deserved it (3234)

On 02/09/2009 at 1:47pm - misc - by alie (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my wife told me that if she had a penny for every time I had brought her to climax she'd have change for a nickel. We've been married for 16 years. FML

#11991
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27006) - you deserved it (10200)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by phobopohobia (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML

#11750
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42114) - you deserved it (5861)

On 02/06/2009 at 2:54pm - intimacy - by beerpong26 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I hung out with my crush for only the second time at his apartment. He was having a party. After a few sips of my green apple smirnoff, I puked up the Chinese food I had eaten earlier all over his new couch in front of him and a bunch of people I didn't know. FML

#4209
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17504) - you deserved it (6445)

On 01/31/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by helloworld92 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

#4119
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20520) - you deserved it (4324)

On 01/31/2009 at 12:24pm - misc - by fuckit - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

#4044
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8399) - you deserved it (40721)

On 01/31/2009 at 9:43am - intimacy - by Ah hell - United States (Ohio)

Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML

#3882
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6167) - you deserved it (36068)

On 01/30/2009 at 7:49pm - animals - by jf29 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

#3486
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18650) - you deserved it (5368)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend and I were in a hallway talking while a man kept walking by and turning around. I then asked him "WHAT are you LOOKING for!". It was a blind man. FML

#3202
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4896) - you deserved it (20859)

On 01/28/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by wsumt - United States (Ohio)

Today, my ex-boyfriend from two years ago called and asked to come over. Still being in love with him, I agreed to see him but decided I wasn't drunk enough to handle the stress. After a while of drinking, he said that he really missed me and wanted to be with me. My reply consisted of throwing up. FML

#2397
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5804) - you deserved it (24478)

On 01/23/2009 at 10:27pm - love - by wtfjusthappened - United States (Ohio)

Today, my ex-boyfriend who I am still in love with sends me a text message that says "I miss you, baby". It turns out my name comes right after his girlfriend's name on his contact list. FML

#2236
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20147) - you deserved it (1484)

On 01/22/2009 at 5:47pm - love - by yeah... - United States (Ohio)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: