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FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked her why she did, she said that the psychic that she was texting (one of those 44644 numbers) said we have a 2% compatibility rating. How does that explain 4 years of happy dating? FML

#4682415
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50667) - you deserved it (3963)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:50pm - love - by ihatemylife (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, was the first day all week I got to sleep in. I woke up this beautiful morning to the sun shining in my window and hundreds of carpenter ants crawling over my sheets and me. FML

#4677872
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41842) - you deserved it (2645)

On 08/20/2009 at 8:45am - misc - by tommy3824 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

#4570183
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60132) - you deserved it (4493)

On 08/16/2009 at 9:58am - intimacy - by bunny (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

#4492713
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44036) - you deserved it (5986)

On 08/13/2009 at 1:23am - love - by MexyBoy (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

#4483118
427 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53185) - you deserved it (19898)

On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date night down a dirt road to a field in the middle of nowhere. He packed some blankets, a bottle of wine, and some condoms. He didn't know the dirt road was actually a driveway until all of our clothes were off. FML

Today, after four years of anorexia and lots of recovery, my parents took me out to dinner with my counselor and whole family to celebrate my progress. I ended up eating something that made me vomit everything I ate. My parents now think I am bulmic and are sending me back to counseling. FML

#4116964
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46931) - you deserved it (4641)

On 07/28/2009 at 8:47pm - health - by nothungry (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mother invited me to a nice restaurant to meet her boyfriend whom she's been seriously dating for a month. Imagine my surprise when she led me to a table and my boyfriend's father stood up, shocked, to greet me. Rather than being horrified, she is now planning double dates every week. FML

#3988589
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48701) - you deserved it (2672)

On 07/23/2009 at 8:52pm - love - by pleaseno (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I asked my parents to sign for me to enlist in the military. They asked me how much money the government gives them if I die. FML

#3971502
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50556) - you deserved it (6055)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Tallow101 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to a funeral. When I got there, I hugged one of the family members and he asked, "How are you?" Out of habit, I replied, "Good, how about you?" He looked appalled and shouted "How the fuck do you think I am?! My mother just died!" loud enough for everyone to hear. FML

#3968055
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39000) - you deserved it (17883)

On 07/23/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by partycats (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I finally figured out who has been stalking me for the past 5 months. And we're related. FML

#3945707
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44098) - you deserved it (2632)

On 07/22/2009 at 12:27am - misc - by stalkered (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was having dinner with some friends at an Applebees. I couldn't decide on what I wanted, and after about 10 minutes of me flipping through the menu, our waiter brings over the braille menu complete with gigantic pictures of all the dishes and says "Here, I thought this might help." FML

#3730573
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12121) - you deserved it (41739)

On 07/13/2009 at 10:39pm - misc - by CompleteWithPictures (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I left something in my boss' office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breast feeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

#3537464
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32126) - you deserved it (18684)

On 07/06/2009 at 10:09pm - work - by superclutz (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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