Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24420) - you deserved it (1946)
On 02/14/2009 at 5:49pm - misc - by NoValentine (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I greeted my table (I'm a server) with a colloquial "Hey there, guys, how's it going?" The customers were three butch lesbians who thought I was incorrectly identifying their gender. I received no tip (on a $35 bill), and they registered a corporate complaint about my "insensitivity." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31395) - you deserved it (3310)
On 02/12/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by ServingYouWings (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and said I was not 'Christian enough' for her. Later I found out she had been cheating on me with my best friend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39641) - you deserved it (1702)
On 02/09/2009 at 6:41pm - misc - by feenix89 (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I wore a cute new striped shirt to work. One of my co-workers said to me "I like your shirt. Most fat people don't look good in horizontals." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25088) - you deserved it (3198)
On 02/09/2009 at 1:47pm - misc - by alie (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my wife told me that if she had a penny for every time I had brought her to climax she'd have change for a nickel. We've been married for 16 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25300) - you deserved it (9909)
On 02/06/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by phobopohobia (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38006) - you deserved it (5067)
On 02/06/2009 at 2:54pm - intimacy - by beerpong26 - United States (Ohio)
Today, I hung out with my crush for only the second time at his apartment. He was having a party. After a few sips of my green apple smirnoff, I puked up the Chinese food I had eaten earlier all over his new couch in front of him and a bunch of people I didn't know. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13644) - you deserved it (4883)
On 01/31/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by helloworld92 - United States (Ohio)
Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17803) - you deserved it (3487)
On 01/31/2009 at 12:24pm - misc - by fuckit - United States (Ohio)
Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7154) - you deserved it (14879)
On 01/31/2009 at 9:43am - intimacy - by Ah hell - United States (Ohio)
Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5278) - you deserved it (29208)
On 01/30/2009 at 7:49pm - animals - by jf29 - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14773) - you deserved it (4477)
On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)
Today, my friend and I were in a hallway talking while a man kept walking by and turning around. I then asked him "WHAT are you LOOKING for!". It was a blind man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4055) - you deserved it (15632)
On 01/28/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by wsumt - United States (Ohio)
Today, my ex-boyfriend from two years ago called and asked to come over. Still being in love with him, I agreed to see him but decided I wasn't drunk enough to handle the stress. After a while of drinking, he said that he really missed me and wanted to be with me. My reply consisted of throwing up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4098) - you deserved it (17158)
On 01/23/2009 at 10:27pm - love - by wtfjusthappened - United States (Ohio)
Friday 24 May 2013
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