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FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

#4912906
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42389) - you deserved it (3374)

On 08/29/2009 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Ned (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, was my third day at work. The hazing finally began. After a few rounds of "punch the new guy", I thought I would finally be safe because the manager walked into the kitchen. He saw what was going on, picked up a handful of ketchup packets, and began throwing them at me. FML

#4909892
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38314) - you deserved it (4296)

On 08/29/2009 at 5:02pm - work - by newguy (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was supposed to be picked up by my date. I haven't got my license yet, so all my dates have to pick me up. He never showed. He also didn't bother to text or call that he wasn't coming. Neither did the five other dates I was supposed to have this summer. FML

#4812515
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43639) - you deserved it (8953)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:52pm - love - by sabbydutchgirl (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I almost got married. After the elaborate and very expensive wedding, my "husband" decided he did not want to sign the marriage license because he wasn't sure if he really wanted to settle down after all. FML

#4775370
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44807) - you deserved it (3050)

On 08/24/2009 at 1:16am - love - by singleagain (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked her why she did, she said that the psychic that she was texting (one of those 44644 numbers) said we have a 2% compatibility rating. How does that explain 4 years of happy dating? FML

#4682415
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49932) - you deserved it (3900)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:50pm - love - by ihatemylife (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, was the first day all week I got to sleep in. I woke up this beautiful morning to the sun shining in my window and hundreds of carpenter ants crawling over my sheets and me. FML

#4677872
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41782) - you deserved it (2641)

On 08/20/2009 at 8:45am - misc - by tommy3824 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

#4570183
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59387) - you deserved it (4425)

On 08/16/2009 at 9:58am - intimacy - by bunny (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

#4492713
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43555) - you deserved it (5951)

On 08/13/2009 at 1:23am - love - by MexyBoy (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

#4483118
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53102) - you deserved it (19874)

On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date night down a dirt road to a field in the middle of nowhere. He packed some blankets, a bottle of wine, and some condoms. He didn't know the dirt road was actually a driveway until all of our clothes were off. FML

Today, after four years of anorexia and lots of recovery, my parents took me out to dinner with my counselor and whole family to celebrate my progress. I ended up eating something that made me vomit everything I ate. My parents now think I am bulmic and are sending me back to counseling. FML

#4116964
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46612) - you deserved it (4624)

On 07/28/2009 at 8:47pm - health - by nothungry (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mother invited me to a nice restaurant to meet her boyfriend whom she's been seriously dating for a month. Imagine my surprise when she led me to a table and my boyfriend's father stood up, shocked, to greet me. Rather than being horrified, she is now planning double dates every week. FML

#3988589
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48614) - you deserved it (2670)

On 07/23/2009 at 8:52pm - love - by pleaseno (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I asked my parents to sign for me to enlist in the military. They asked me how much money the government gives them if I die. FML

#3971502
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50486) - you deserved it (6051)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Tallow101 - United States (Ohio)



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