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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, I discovered that I had lost my phone. I drove to the campus to try and find it, and parked in a gated lot where you pay when you leave. All the buildings were closed, so I had to go home. That's when I realized that I didn't have my wallet to get my car out. And no phone to call a ride. FML

#5460740
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24954) - you deserved it (6760)

On 09/25/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by Moe (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found a video camera behind a plant in my bedroom. My husband uses it to video tape himself having sex, with another woman. FML

#5429475
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33956) - you deserved it (2129)

On 09/23/2009 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at my friends house for the first time in months. I saw her newest chihuahua dog, Mickey, and he was excited that new people were over. I picked him up and slightly bounced him in the air. Because of the bounce and his excitement, he peed a little bit, straight into my eye. FML

#5422462
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15140) - you deserved it (29415)

On 09/23/2009 at 1:55am - animals - by GreatAim - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had my 3 year old son in the doctors office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML

#5349169
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36647) - you deserved it (7878)

On 09/19/2009 at 10:37am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was driving my new car home when I came around a sharp turn to see a groundhog in the road. I kindly stopped and allowed it to cross when all of the sudden a car slammed into the back of mine. Then, another car went flying around us. That car hit and killed the groundhog. FML

#5168963
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38048) - you deserved it (11161)

On 09/10/2009 at 2:46pm - misc - by hatecolin (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years told me that I was part of an experiment for her Sociology doctorate. I also learned that the notebooks she's been writing in for the past three years aren't for her "doctorate in literature" as she had told me, they were notes on my behavior for the past 3 years. FML

#5166110
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48924) - you deserved it (3107)

On 09/10/2009 at 9:37am - love - by Dave (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I switched from a pediatrician to an adult doctor. The guy was really persistant about a few personal questions. Then he brought my parents in the room and told them that I have an abnormally small penis and what remedies he knows of to fix it. FML

#5130583
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53709) - you deserved it (3613)

On 09/08/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by dude5028 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was sitting with my boyfriend watching the Super Nanny. He watches the show regularly and said he has learned some of her techniques. Apparently, he uses them on me when I'm acting irrational. FML

#5124739
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11031) - you deserved it (42938)

On 09/08/2009 at 10:04am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was fired from my job. I was a lifeguard and the other day a 30 year old man who only spoke spanish hit on me. I'm 16 and politely rejected him. He then went to the front desk and told them how I tried molesting him in the locker room. FML

#5082390
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44134) - you deserved it (2151)

On 09/06/2009 at 2:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me from my neighbor's garage. This went on for 5 minutes until I finally yelled 'hello'. There was no response, and I was creeped out, so I called my neighbor. It was a life-sized Paul McCartney cutout. FML

#5073384
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10882) - you deserved it (32225)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by cachow (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During the interview, I said something about a past work experience that made the interviewers think that I would enjoy doing something similar to that... so they gave me a warehouse job instead. I have a degree in chemistry and biology. FML

#4939837
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29256) - you deserved it (3443)

On 08/30/2009 at 9:56pm - work - by Pissssd (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

#4912906
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42493) - you deserved it (3380)

On 08/29/2009 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Ned (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, was my third day at work. The hazing finally began. After a few rounds of "punch the new guy", I thought I would finally be safe because the manager walked into the kitchen. He saw what was going on, picked up a handful of ketchup packets, and began throwing them at me. FML

#4909892
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39051) - you deserved it (4368)

On 08/29/2009 at 5:02pm - work - by newguy (man) - United States (Ohio)



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