FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2011 at 12:05am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, I helped out an employee who was having trouble. I even bought her a bottle of water. After the production manager decided to fire her on the spot, she went out in the parking lot and broke into several cars, including mine. FML

by peachesthepigeon / 01/19/2011 at 1:54pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said "That was my daughter." FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 3:28am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found some nude vintage pictures in my house. I decided to beat my meat to them. Later I found out it was my grandma. FML

by Gabriel A / 01/14/2011 at 11:05pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2011 at 3:53pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, some construction workers kept going in and out the door next to my cubicle. They decided it would be easier to just prop the door open for the next hour. It's 20 degrees outside, and I'm wearing a dress. FML

by bitty / 01/11/2011 at 9:45am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my boyfriend tried to serenade me with The Sex is Good by Saving Abel. According to him, "I have to fake it, I'd leave if I could. I'm not in love, but the sex is good." FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2011 at 3:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, it's been a full week since my last orthodontist appointment and I still can't eat anything besides Slimfast and pudding. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2011 at 1:25pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I went to my dad and new stepmom's house for the week. Upon arrival, I was handed mouthwash, deodorant, and lice shampoo. The guest bed I was told I'd be sleeping in was fitted with a plastic mattress cover. I don't have lice and I don't wet the bed. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2011 at 5:06pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I'm getting laid off. However, they're keeping my coworker who rarely shows up and sleeps all the time when he's there. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2011 at 3:38am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I was feeling sick but went into my waitressing job because I'd already missed 3 days this week. I was dizzy and managed to spill a tray of drinks all over the customers. Then, when their food was done, I tripped and spilled hot chili all over the man's lap. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 1:34am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I posted on my Facebook wall that I'd gotten into a huge bar fight and had the shit kicked out of me, all to avoid having to tell the truth, namely that I'd stayed home all night because nobody invited me out to party. FML

by lonely / 01/01/2011 at 12:11pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I have Raynaud's, a condition where your veins basically shut off all blood flow to your hands and feet if you get cold. Turns out "cold" for me is anything below 70 degrees. Oh, and I live in Ohio. FML

by iceicebaby / 12/06/2010 at 10:42am / United States (Ohio) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.