FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, I worked 4 hours for a huge mail call to get all the troops their Christmas mail. And just like every other mail call I did not receive one package or letter. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2011 at 3:38am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

by Anonymous / 12/14/2011 at 6:12pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I had an allergic reaction to my deodorant. My armpits wouldn't stop itching, and by the time my shift was over, they were raw and bloody. FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2011 at 3:23pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying we're too different. His only example? He likes ham and I don't. FML

by PunkChik27 / 12/11/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, and gave his little speech, over the phone. He did all this while his ass was firmly planted in a chair in the next room. FML

by anonymous / 12/11/2011 at 7:01pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I had to sit through chemistry class watching the kid in front of me slowly peel off the scabs on his arms, examine them, and then eat them. For an hour. FML

by cuppycakeslove / 12/07/2011 at 6:35am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I found out I have to give my father-in-law back the football tickets he gave me for my birthday. Why? His girlfriend decided she wanted to go. He didn't get me a different gift. FML

by Sal / 12/05/2011 at 1:57am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2011 at 6:54pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML

by notgoodenough / 11/25/2011 at 12:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I introduced my Chinese-born girlfriend to the rest of the family. My uncle immediately blurted out, "He's dating a communist." FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I sent the texts "I love and miss you babe;)." and "Shit wrong person." to my ex just so he would think I have a life. FML

by random person / 11/13/2011 at 1:16am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my boyfriend drove me home. I mentioned how I had recently started my period and he freaked out, saying I would "leak" through my tampon onto his seat. He made me sit on towels all the way home. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2011 at 8:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, as I was walking back to my dorm, I looked down and thought "I wonder why the ground is wet in just this one spot." Then I got hit with a water balloon. FML

by Kirby / 11/06/2011 at 11:50pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous