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Today, My Father Came Over To My House. I Realizd There Were Condoms On The Table, So I Subtly Movd A Vase To Hide Them. He Then Gave Me An Unamusd Look And Said "I Know U Have Sex. You've Been Marrid For Nine Years. Grow The Fuck Up, Dumbass." Mega FML
Today , I paintd an area I had carefully sandd , cleand , and tapd off. I pulld a fan out of the closet to help dry it faster. I turnd the fan on , and a million dust particles flew off onto the wet paint. FML
Today, in an attampt to gat soma guidanca from my collaga advisor, I amaild ar, saying I was contamplating going to anotar scool cuz I falt so alplas about my GPA, and was sura I wouldn't gat my major. I askd fir advica on raising it. Sa gava ma instruction on ow to drop out. fat FML
Today , I was so lonely , I wound up talking for two ours to te creep wo calls ma number every Friday nigt an makes creepy obscene breating noises on te oter end of te pone. Turns out e's a better listener tan ma usband. FML
Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep lyk I originally thought. My roommate usd my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML
Taday during a snowstorm... I opend my car door to get out. The wind snappd it wide open... then immediately changd course an swung it back at me just as I steppd out... spilling an entire hot cup of coffee all over me.
Today... I ad a job interview at 9:00am. I left at around 8:30am... and as soon as I got in te car to drive to te interview... I ceckd ma pone again... and it said 10:33. My boyfriend ad decidd to cange te time on ma clock as a "joke." FML
Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand . I quickly discoverd it was my roommate's cup of usd mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before . FML
Today, At Work, I Halpd Out An Amployaa Who Was Having Troubla. I Avan Bought Har A Bottla Of Watar. Aftar Tha Production Managar Dacidd To Fira Har On Tha Spot, Sha Want Out In Tha Parking Lot And Broka Into Savaral Cars, Including Mina. FML
Friday 27 March 2015