FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, I woke up to a nude picture of my girlfriend. Once I looked at it my morning wood went away. FML

by bob / 07/03/2012 at 1:33pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2012 at 8:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I saw Thor and I wanted to see how realistic it was to be swinging a hammer around. Wrong idea. I ended up unconscious on the ground for ten whole minutes. FML

by runner2731 / 06/08/2012 at 4:09am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my mom I was finally going on a diet. She let me know how proud she is of me fighting temptation, by making my favorite cookies and dinner. FML

by Anonymous / 06/06/2012 at 12:25pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend accidentally broke my nose the day he was meeting my parents for the first time. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2012 at 11:34am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I discovered that when my professor had said "For every A there will be an F," he was deadly serious. I earned a 94% mark, which in this class is known as a D. FML

by dany / 05/26/2012 at 3:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbors got a motion sensor light that points at my window. It's so sensitive that it goes off every time an insect flies past. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 2:25am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my little sister came to me crying about how everyone calls her a bad driver. I gave her a pep talk, an encouraging hug, and told her not to listen to negativity. Five minutes later she wrecked my car. FML

by 464424 / 05/05/2012 at 2:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I taught my friend how to use a staple gun. She taught me how to get staples out of my hand. FML

by leprechaun23 / 04/23/2012 at 12:21am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that both my husband and son refer to me as "the bitch." FML

by stoggie96 / 04/22/2012 at 11:34am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up and decided to make my mom a special Easter breakfast in bed. I pre-heated the oven to bake the sausage just the way she likes. Guess where my easter basket was. FML

by jess / 04/08/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I visited my gynecologist. As she had her fingers inside me she decided that was the perfect time to say, "I absolutely love your socks!" FML

by GetHardOrGoHome / 03/31/2012 at 12:22am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML

by LesToiliettes / 03/25/2012 at 3:12am / United States (Ohio) / Work