FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, I started dating a seemingly normal guy. Not even four hours into our relationship, he began telling me that he can see spirits, dead people, and that I have a large black dog following me everywhere I go. FML

by holyshitbatman / 11/08/2012 at 11:53pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, we got new seats in class today. The guy placed next to me, turned, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "The balls are the warmest place on the body" while his hands were in his pants. I'm stuck next to him for the rest of the semester. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2012 at 8:29pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met someone really cool and their departing words were, for some odd reason, "We should totally be friends, I mean unless you're schizophrenic or something, haha!" I have schizophrenia. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2012 at 7:42pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I got threatened to get dragged out of the window at work because I wouldn't sell someone hot wings. I work at Taco Bell. FML

by Taco Hell / 10/19/2012 at 2:43am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I kissed a boy for the first time in over a year. It was at drama club practice, and he quickly ended up asking the director if we could remove that scene from the play. FML

by pinkfreak94 / 10/13/2012 at 9:38am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend learned how to somersault. He now thinks that he's a ninja and somersaults into every room. FML

by justabitembarrassed / 10/07/2012 at 10:20am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, at work, my boss asked me why I wasn't adhering to proper dress code. I pointed out that skinny jeans are in the dress code, to which he replied, "Only if you're skinny." FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2012 at 12:40pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my mom decided to subtly bring up her desire for grandchildren. "You really need a girlfriend. I'm surprised you don't have a crippling case of Carpal Tunnel by now." FML

by alittlepersonal / 10/05/2012 at 1:59am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush. FML

by praise the prenup / 10/02/2012 at 8:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML

by fuckalltwitardsintheface / 09/20/2012 at 5:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I spent ten minutes looking for my cell phone in the dark, only to realize the light I was using was my cell phone's. FML

by unaware / 09/19/2012 at 12:14am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom turned off all internet access in our house because she thought I spent too much time on the computer. She later asked me why she couldn't get on Facebook. FML

by Oh_So_Klassical / 09/17/2012 at 9:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I listened to my roommate and her friend struggle with their math homework for an hour. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I'm a math major and repeatedly offered my help. They'd rather fail math than be around me. FML

by foreveralone.jpg / 08/29/2012 at 4:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous