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FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, it was my first day on the job as a first grade teacher. One student pushed another, so I asked him to apologize. His response? "If you boss me around, I'll tell Daddy you touched me somewhere you shouldn't have." I think I'm now this kid's slave. FML

#17615072
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34798) - you deserved it (3376)

On 08/29/2011 at 7:59pm - kids - by slavelaborsux (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a mass text message from a friend saying she's sorry she can't meet up with our group of friends for drinks because she's busy tonight. This is the first I've heard of any bar-crawling. FML

#17577753
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22279) - you deserved it (2148)

On 08/25/2011 at 2:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

#17536285
469 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58154) - you deserved it (7181)

On 08/21/2011 at 5:59am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to register for college classes with my mom. Upon leaving, my mom confessed to me that she thinks I will get pregnant and drop out before my freshman year is over. FML

Today, my daughter decided to come out to me by leaving a browser window open with the results page of an online "Are you lesbian?" quiz. FML

#17480180
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26578) - you deserved it (9240)

On 08/15/2011 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by blah (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I informed my family of my plans to divorce my wife after catching her cheating on me twice. They bitched me out because I will not be able to survive financially or emotionally without her support. I'm a doctor. She's been unemployed for 2 straight years. FML

#17444027
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37581) - you deserved it (2238)

On 08/11/2011 at 8:46pm - love - by Matt - United States (Ohio)

Today, I finally noticed that my wife only shaves her bush when she goes on "business trips." FML

#17414090
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54690) - you deserved it (4599)

On 08/09/2011 at 12:59am - intimacy - by ksmith - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized burying my dog underneath our swing-set was a bad idea. My two sons are now scarred for life. FML

#17364695
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7987) - you deserved it (44427)

On 08/04/2011 at 6:19am - kids - by Bobsaget00 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

#17355075
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26062) - you deserved it (2720)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:46pm - kids - by doomeddaddy - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML

#17241320
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39591) - you deserved it (8410)

On 07/24/2011 at 1:02pm - love - by Lonely (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after babysitting, the parents actually tried to pay me in Trident Layers Gum. FML

#17207993
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44380) - you deserved it (4690)

On 07/21/2011 at 8:20pm - money - by iwantmoney - United States (Ohio)

Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML

#17188929
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43511) - you deserved it (3564)

On 07/20/2011 at 9:38am - misc - by therundown - United States (Ohio)

Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML

#17182524
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34186) - you deserved it (7156)

On 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)



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