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FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, my mom turned off all internet access in our house because she thought I spent too much time on the computer. She later asked me why she couldn't get on Facebook. FML

Today, I listened to my roommate and her friend struggle with their math homework for an hour. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I'm a math major and repeatedly offered my help. They'd rather fail math than be around me. FML

#20048130
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22163) - you deserved it (2442)

On 08/29/2012 at 4:51pm - misc - by foreveralone.jpg (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

#20009566
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34495) - you deserved it (3739)

On 08/08/2012 at 1:15pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML

#19991658
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33370) - you deserved it (5027)

On 07/29/2012 at 11:24pm - misc - by guy - United States (Ohio)

Today, my live-in-boyfriend lost his job. Jokingly, I told him that we weren't going to have sex until he found a new job. He then turned to me with the most excited look I have ever seen on his face and said "I am going to stay unemployed forever!" He was serious. FML

#19987101
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27072) - you deserved it (8315)

On 07/27/2012 at 9:45am - intimacy - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while working as a manager at a restaurant, the "All employees must wash hands" sign in the bathroom was stolen. Now my employees won't wash their hands because they "don't have to." FML

#19986926
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22646) - you deserved it (2166)

On 07/27/2012 at 5:25am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why period blood couldn't be saved and donated to the hospital for transplants. FML

#19986009
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22193) - you deserved it (2010)

On 07/26/2012 at 8:46pm - misc - by Carrie G. (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

#19984638
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28006) - you deserved it (5158)

On 07/26/2012 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Jarman (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest "no." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML

#19964000
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23350) - you deserved it (3107)

On 07/20/2012 at 2:23pm - love - by Taylor (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend and I were at a park, alone, late at night. Things were getting kind of heavy and he started undressing me, when we heard a loud "Hey!" and a flashlight coming through the bushes. My boyfriend then decided to ditch me, while still holding my shirt and bra. FML

#19935393
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28843) - you deserved it (8656)

On 07/14/2012 at 1:06am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my power finally came back on. I excitedly went and spent $100 to refill my fridge, only to come back home and discover the power is out again, and might not be back on for another three days. FML

Today, my waiter turned to me and asked, "Let me guess, Miss I'm-not-fat-I'm-fluffy wants a diet coke?" FML

#19895683
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36174) - you deserved it (9029)

On 07/05/2012 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up to a nude picture of my girlfriend. Once I looked at it my morning wood went away. FML

#19886014
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33019) - you deserved it (8294)

On 07/03/2012 at 1:33pm - intimacy - by bob - United States (Ohio)



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