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FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, I learned that if I take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will throw up all day. I also learned that if I don't take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will be in excruciating pain all day. FML

#21495944
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20787) - you deserved it (1414)

On 11/23/2015 at 4:21pm - health - by owch (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, at a bar, I overheard two attractive men speaking in French. I went over and tried to introduce myself with what little French I know. They looked at me like I was crazy and then said in English, "What are you doing?" Turns out they weren't speaking French. FML

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth worked on. I got tongue-tied and instead of asking if they could anesthetize me, I accidentally asked if they could euthanize me. FML

#21488826
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20190) - you deserved it (2344)

On 11/05/2015 at 3:52pm - health - by EnderHorse - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend explained that his internship was clearly worse than mine because he got yelled at by clients. One of my clients ripped out my hair. FML

#21488556
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20930) - you deserved it (1419)

On 11/04/2015 at 9:34pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I tapped my sister on her shoulder to get her attention. I guess I was too close to her neck, which is where she is most ticklish, and ended up in the emergency room with a broken nose after she elbowed me in the face. I was just trying to repay her the $10 I borrowed from her. FML

#21485644
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20784) - you deserved it (1871)

On 10/28/2015 at 11:32pm - misc - by alex327 - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me. That would have been fine, if we hadn't just moved in with his mother a week ago to save money. FML

Today, while on a haunted trail, I accidentally punched a high-schooler in the throat. FML

#21478538
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20320) - you deserved it (4336)

On 10/11/2015 at 8:31am - misc - by MeaganElizabethM (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friends were right about me being whipped. My girlfriend now has me setting an alarm for 3 hrs after she's fallen asleep, all so I can uncover her feet so she doesn't get too warm. FML

#21478113
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20240) - you deserved it (14274)

On 10/10/2015 at 12:25am - love - by biggs sprhro - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that when I was 4 I killed my bunny by drowning it. Apparently, my aunt bribed me to do it because it pooped in her shoes. FML

#21476898
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27105) - you deserved it (2332)

On 10/06/2015 at 6:03pm - animals - by aishyaslife89 - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his parents' house when things started getting hot. Out of respect, we stopped and just cuddled, making us able to hear his parents banging. FML

#21476414
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28200) - you deserved it (3223)

On 10/05/2015 at 1:10pm - intimacy - by ph2222 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I noticed I spend so much time with my cats that I tend to hiss at things that scare me or that I don't like. I'm turning into a cat. FML

Today, I baked some brownies and after my mom ate one, I joked that I put weed in them. Turns out the placebo effect's a bitch, because she quickly started acting high as a kite. One bitch fit later, the brownies are in the trash and I'm grounded until I tell her where I bought the "weed". FML

#21469489
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22879) - you deserved it (5058)

On 09/17/2015 at 10:54am - misc - by mother teresa was a cunt (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my "friends" pulled an elaborate prank on me. First, they changed my ringtone to a recording of someone saying "Allahu Akbar" on repeat. Then, they called me as we had a moment of silence in honor of the 9/11 victims. FML

#21467226
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32058) - you deserved it (2788)

On 09/11/2015 at 9:50am - misc - by EverettA - United States (Ohio)



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