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FMLs submitted from Nottinghamshire

Today, my friend started his first day of work with me. I thought it'd be fun, but he's been putting on an obnoxious fake French accent and saying "merde" whenever anything goes wrong. Half the women at the office want his dick, and I'm still as single as ever. FML

#21150394
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42393) - you deserved it (5459)

On 05/24/2014 at 4:44pm - work - by thankssiren (man) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, was my first day as a male cheerleader in an attempt to flirt. The girls were stronger than me and it's now my job to be thrown in the air by girls. FML

#21017728
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41393) - you deserved it (33571)

On 01/05/2014 at 11:16am - love - by give me an F - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

#20847854
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42483) - you deserved it (2975)

On 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm - work - by twatstick (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my best friend and I broke up with our respective girlfriends, so we could go on holiday and meet lots of new women. Instead, within a few hours, he got back with his ex, and they're planning their own holiday together. FML

#19801303
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6857) - you deserved it (52196)

On 06/17/2012 at 12:08pm - love - by JPTK (man) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML

#19786918
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28139) - you deserved it (5468)

On 06/14/2012 at 12:28pm - love - by Sir Vom-a-lot (man) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML

#19407529
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26563) - you deserved it (6410)

On 04/04/2012 at 5:11pm - intimacy - by KatieB (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML

#19124149
381 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26148) - you deserved it (4047)

On 02/20/2012 at 4:19pm - intimacy - by Gavin - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my dad killed my pet rats. They were playing on the sofa, and he thought they were vermin. This would have been understandable if the reason he came over wasn't to meet them, and they hadn't been wearing bright pink walking harnesses. FML

#18982285
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25995) - you deserved it (6508)

On 02/03/2012 at 3:12am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on our floor. The next thing I know, I'm on suspension pending review because some asshole left an upper-decker in the toilet. Since I'm the office prankster, all suspicion is now on me. I've been framed by my own colleagues. FML

#17888360
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18010) - you deserved it (12782)

On 10/02/2011 at 4:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my mum yelled at me for wanting to apply to university courses that she doesn't approve of. I'm applying for Biomedical Sciences and Microbiology, she's an unemployed Jehovah's Witness. FML

#17634820
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34031) - you deserved it (2568)

On 09/01/2011 at 10:40am - work - by WhatTheFaf (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend of one year when an attractive girl walks over. She asks him, "Is this your girlfriend?" He replied "That depends... are you single?" FML

#6404510
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42336) - you deserved it (3321)

On 11/22/2009 at 12:49pm - love - by Rejected. (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

#159600
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1135548) - you deserved it (114870)

On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)



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