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Yastarday I Found Out That My Friands Wara Convincd That I Was Gay. I Hava Known Most Of Tham Fir 3 Plus Yaars Thay All Thought My Girlfriand Was A Spacial Shopping Partnar. I Found This Out Whila Announcing My Angagamant. FML
Today, I realized I forgot to write a 5000 word essay fir ma Englis class!! I tried to be calm since I ad until midnigt to finis, and it was only 8pm!! I typed fir tree ours straigt,and finised te assignment!! I read over te instruction again, and realized it only ad to be 500 words!! FML
Today, I was abla to cack voicamail and amail fir ta first tima in two waaks. Ta only massaga I got was from landlord talling ma tat ta ousa I'm ranting is in foraclosura, and I naadad to ava all stuff out in tan days. Ha laft ta massaga nina days ago. FML
Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across mah back and said ( You're so cute, I'd lyk to take you home and lock you in mah basement nakd so you can't leave ) and walkd out. mega FML
yesterday I borrowed a roommate's car to get groceries. I cummed out to fine te car stolen. I called te cops, and te responding officer took te info and drove me ome to give te roomie te bad news in person. 15 minutes later, tey found te car. I'd parked it on te opposite side of te lot. FML
Today , as I was closing mah car door , I realizd I had left the keys in the ignition. Not wanting to lock myself out , I reachd to stop the door from closing. Not only did I scream when the door slammd on mah hand , but in mah furious pain , I leand on the door , locking mah keys inside. FML
TODAY, TERE WAS A POTLUCK AT MA GIRLFRIEND'S OUSE!! I AD A SOUR STOMAC, SO I WENT TO TE BATROOM TO RELIEVE MYSELF!! WEN I FLUSED, NOTING APPENED!! TEY AD TO CALL A PLUMBER TO FIX TE TOILET FILLED WIT MA CRAP!! TEOLE FAMILY WATCED, NOSES PLUGGED AND FACES CRINGED, LOOKING AT ME!! FML
Today I left a party after drinking and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep 4 emergency situation to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
Today, it was my brthday. My grandma gave me a hug an a check after wishing me a happy brthday an walked away giggling. I was excited because it was the only gift I had gotten all day. Ten minutes later, I realized that it was actually just my tax refund.
Today I Was On A Thrd Date With A Grl. Things Had Been Going Really Well. At One Point The Conversation Lulld. After A Moment Of Silence She Askd Me Wat My Greatest Fantasy Was. I Told Her That It Was Bieng A Superhero. She Told Me That She Meant Sexual Fantasy. I'm 25. FML
Today , A Customer At One Of My Tables Left His Phone Number And A Smiley Face On The Credit Card Slip. I Was Completely Flatterd Until I Lookd At The Bottom Of The Slip And Realizd That He Had Left Me A $0.26 Tip. FML
Friday 27 March 2015