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FMLs submitted from North Dakota

Today, I realized I forgot to write a 5000 word essay for my English class. I tried to be calm since I had until midnight to finish, and it was only 8pm. I typed for three hours straight,and finished the assignment. I read over the instruction again, and realized it only had to be 500 words. FML

#5141524
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19005) - you deserved it (51401)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I was able to check my voicemail and email for the first time in two weeks. The only message I got was from my landlord telling me that the house I'm renting is in foreclosure, and I needed to have all my stuff out in ten days. He left the message nine days ago. FML

#5016306
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37418) - you deserved it (5115)

On 09/03/2009 at 5:48am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

#4696975
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58782) - you deserved it (3404)

On 08/21/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I borrowed a roommate's car to get groceries. I came out to find the car stolen. I called the cops, and the responding officer took the info and drove me home to give the roomie the bad news in person. 15 minutes later, they found the car. I'd parked it on the opposite side of the lot. FML

#4594476
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7658) - you deserved it (55072)

On 08/17/2009 at 4:42am - misc - by SenescentSouthernBoy (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, as I was closing my car door, I realized I had left the keys in the ignition. Not wanting to lock myself out, I reached to stop the door from closing. Not only did I scream when the door slammed on my hand, but in my furious pain, I leaned on the door, locking my keys inside. FML

#2177372
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40936) - you deserved it (11974)

On 05/22/2009 at 11:16am - misc - by Ouch (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

#1711398
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51164) - you deserved it (4260)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:40am - misc - by mikesok988 (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML

#1550059
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29782) - you deserved it (271319)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, it was my birthday. My grandma gave me a hug and a check after wishing me a happy birthday and walked away giggling. I was excited because it was the only gift I had gotten all day. Ten minutes later, I realized that it was actually just my tax refund. FML

#922323
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47520) - you deserved it (3001)

On 04/12/2009 at 3:21am - misc - by suckmeoff (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I was on a third date with a girl. Things had been going really well. At one point, the conversation lulled. After a moment of silence, she asked me what my greatest fantasy was. I told her that it was being a superhero. She told me that she meant sexual fantasy. I'm 25. FML

#548295
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22577) - you deserved it (63130)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:46am - intimacy - by whatever (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

#318197
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17664) - you deserved it (109759)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:05am - love - by DSM (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, a customer at one of my tables left his phone number and a smiley face on the credit card slip. I was completely flattered until I looked at the bottom of the slip and realized that he had left me a $0.26 tip. FML

#19721
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27781) - you deserved it (2528)

On 02/10/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by appleville (woman) - United States (North Dakota)



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