Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44925) - you deserved it (3246)
On 05/07/2009 at 3:40am - misc - by mikesok988 (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19835) - you deserved it (197191)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, it was my birthday. My grandma gave me a hug and a check after wishing me a happy birthday and walked away giggling. I was excited because it was the only gift I had gotten all day. Ten minutes later, I realized that it was actually just my tax refund. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42277) - you deserved it (2608)
On 04/12/2009 at 3:21am - misc - by suckmeoff (woman) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I was on a third date with a girl. Things had been going really well. At one point, the conversation lulled. After a moment of silence, she asked me what my greatest fantasy was. I told her that it was being a superhero. She told me that she meant sexual fantasy. I'm 25. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18690) - you deserved it (51606)
On 03/23/2009 at 2:46am - intimacy - by whatever (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12779) - you deserved it (89009)
On 03/14/2009 at 7:05am - love - by DSM (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, a customer at one of my tables left his phone number and a smiley face on the credit card slip. I was completely flattered until I looked at the bottom of the slip and realized that he had left me a $0.26 tip. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22185) - you deserved it (1898)
On 02/10/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by appleville (woman) - United States (North Dakota)
Artist's interview
All illustrated FMLs
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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