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FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, before I went into surgery, the patient next to me just finished the same procedure I was going to get. As he woke up in the recovery area 10 feet away, I was getting my final prep before the operation. On my way into the operating room I was comforted by his screams of agonizing pain. FML

Today, I woke up to the sound of my car being stolen. FML

#19637548
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23157) - you deserved it (1783)

On 05/17/2012 at 4:41pm - misc - by Unhappymothersday - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend started laughing during sex because my boobs are slightly different. He then broke up with me after I pointed out that his nuts aren't exactly even either. FML

#19621100
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34047) - you deserved it (5717)

On 05/14/2012 at 6:31am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend saw the name "Melissa" on my phone's contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accused me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormed out of my house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. FML

#19459497
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37792) - you deserved it (7773)

On 04/13/2012 at 1:09am - love - by rejected - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML

#19411033
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20251) - you deserved it (11733)

On 04/05/2012 at 7:29am - misc - by Nadaz (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML

#19410577
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36259) - you deserved it (2992)

On 04/05/2012 at 2:47am - intimacy - by displeased - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I learned that my roommate doesn't actually know a damn thing about cooking. I'm suffering the effects of him telling me that chicken is best eaten medium-rare. FML

#19404145
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18180) - you deserved it (10969)

On 04/03/2012 at 11:02pm - health - by Ralph - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML

#19397932
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30337) - you deserved it (3289)

On 04/02/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was kicked out of my review lecture at community college, for "being a disturbance and refusing to stop whistling." I wasn't even given a chance to explain that I have a cold. FML

#19382867
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20242) - you deserved it (2059)

On 03/31/2012 at 2:53pm - misc - by Alyssa - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML

#19313557
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28386) - you deserved it (2248)

On 03/20/2012 at 11:37am - health - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML

#19205333
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22990) - you deserved it (1891)

On 03/02/2012 at 9:24pm - misc - by wtf dad (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend of two years kept digging around in his belly button and smelling his fingers. At one point he shoved his fingers in my face and told me to smell his belly button. He's 27 years old. FML

#19200662
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20137) - you deserved it (3929)

On 03/02/2012 at 1:26am - misc - by smellybelly (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

#19091480
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19879) - you deserved it (4112)

On 02/16/2012 at 2:43am - animals - by parkertownparadise (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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