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FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, I continued my habit of saying, "It smells like lung cancer over here" any time I see a smoker. This guy turned out to be an amateur MMA fighter, and I was his "workout" for the day. I guess his lungs are doing fine. FML

Today, while bussing at my restaurant job, I felt a cold, wet animal slither down my leg. I started shrieking loudly and dancing dementedly to get it off, and everyone in the restaurant turned to stare. Then I realized there was a hole in my pocket and some quarters had slid out down my leg. FML

#19979543
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19201) - you deserved it (7131)

On 07/23/2012 at 11:41am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML

#19902817
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10442) - you deserved it (24225)

On 07/07/2012 at 12:08am - misc - by totallyembarassed - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had an admissions interview at my dream college. I spent hours practicing questions and picking the perfect outfit. It was not until after the interview that I realized I'd scratched a pimple while waiting, and my forehead had been smeared with blood the entire time. FML

#19750002
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27297) - you deserved it (3700)

On 06/07/2012 at 2:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I caught a coworker at my new job staring at my chest. Trying not to rock the boat, I took him aside and asked him to stop. He insisted he was just trying to read my shirt. Our company uniforms don't have writing on them. FML

#19728226
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21899) - you deserved it (2565)

On 06/03/2012 at 6:41pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to a job interview at a small family-owned business. After the interview, the owner's son took me into his office and told me I'm not getting the job and to get out, because apparently, the old man thinks I'm "possessed by a demon". FML

#19652325
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20395) - you deserved it (1759)

On 05/20/2012 at 3:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, before I went into surgery, the patient next to me just finished the same procedure I was going to get. As he woke up in the recovery area 10 feet away, I was getting my final prep before the operation. On my way into the operating room I was comforted by his screams of agonizing pain. FML

Today, I woke up to the sound of my car being stolen. FML

#19637548
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23238) - you deserved it (1786)

On 05/17/2012 at 4:41pm - misc - by Unhappymothersday - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend started laughing during sex because my boobs are slightly different. He then broke up with me after I pointed out that his nuts aren't exactly even either. FML

#19621100
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34636) - you deserved it (5784)

On 05/14/2012 at 6:31am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend saw the name "Melissa" on my phone's contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accused me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormed out of my house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. FML

#19459497
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37919) - you deserved it (7784)

On 04/13/2012 at 1:09am - love - by rejected - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML

#19411033
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20845) - you deserved it (11942)

On 04/05/2012 at 7:29am - misc - by Nadaz (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML

#19410577
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36414) - you deserved it (3001)

On 04/05/2012 at 2:47am - intimacy - by displeased - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I learned that my roommate doesn't actually know a damn thing about cooking. I'm suffering the effects of him telling me that chicken is best eaten medium-rare. FML

#19404145
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18275) - you deserved it (11010)

On 04/03/2012 at 11:02pm - health - by Ralph - United States (North Carolina)



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