FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, immediately after being informed of the sketchy activities that take place in our store parking lot after dark, I'm handed an orange vest and told to go out there to retrieve carts. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2014 at 2:53am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I realized my anger management has hit a new low when I screamed at a goose for being a goose. FML

by WickedLittleDoll / 12/01/2014 at 11:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, I learned that when you're talking about your girlfriend's 6'4", 250 lb dad in a negative way, you should really make sure he isn't around first. FML

by jlong9071 / 11/08/2014 at 10:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my dad telling his friends that the only way I'll ever sleep with a woman is with the help of Rohypnol. FML

by chlorobitch551 / 11/05/2014 at 11:54am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend told me that she was a virgin again because she hadn't had sex in 6 months. She's 19 and actually believes it. FML

by AnonymousAmber / 10/31/2014 at 7:10pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, while waiting for a plane, a man in a wheelchair was struggling to get to baggage, so I helped him. I did so without realising that I passed through the "No Entry" gate. What did I forget? My phone, my ID, and my boarding pass. What do you need to get back to the plane? All of those. FML

by epiclollipop / 10/12/2014 at 8:52am / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and head butted me. Now there is just an awkward silence. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2014 at 8:11am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, my Spanish teacher told me that the reason the girl I'm tutoring hasn't contacted me yet is because she emailed the teacher saying she didn't like my name, therefore she didn't want me to be her tutor. FML

by Hi, I'm Heather / 09/30/2014 at 10:05pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my son trying to comb his hair with scissors. He's the same kid who thought that if he ate toothpaste, he would never have to brush his teeth again. FML

by berryjones11024 / 09/14/2014 at 10:35am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2014 at 11:55am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML

by candy man / 09/04/2014 at 3:32pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

by fingwhore / 07/27/2014 at 1:12pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML

by notpayedenoughforthisshit / 07/21/2014 at 5:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work