FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2014 at 11:55am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML

by candy man / 09/04/2014 at 3:32pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

by fingwhore / 07/27/2014 at 1:12pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML

by notpayedenoughforthisshit / 07/21/2014 at 5:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

by Pandamomma / 07/21/2014 at 8:58am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I discovered that my best friend has been telling everyone at our workplace that I'm faking my pregnancy for attention. She was at every single one of my ultrasounds. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2014 at 9:20pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, we went to the wedding of one of my friends. As she was about to throw her bouquet, my boyfriend muttered that if I tried to catch it, we'd be through. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2014 at 3:21pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I was disciplined by my boss for "not smiling enough." I'm a dishwasher. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2014 at 1:15am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML

by Anonymous / 05/04/2014 at 10:58pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I went to the self-checkout line at Walmart. When I tried to pay, the cash wouldn't go in, so I stood there trying to cram money into the thing that's supposed to take your money. What I didn't realize was that there was a sign up top that said: "No Cash. Cards Only." FML

by I hate Walmart???? / 02/24/2014 at 4:36am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I've been forced to start packing to go on a vacation with my parents, because they say I've been studying too hard and need a break. I've hardly studied at all and was planning on making up for it all in the time I had left before finals. I'm screwed. FML

by goodbye cruel world / 02/23/2014 at 2:00pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I worked up the courage to sing at an open mic night. I lost my cool halfway through because all I could hear was laughter. FML

by Sarri / 02/17/2014 at 9:13pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML

by LadyDeadpool88 / 02/04/2014 at 9:50am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids