FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, was my first experience having sex. It was also my first experience with a condom breaking. FML

by Vexatious / 05/22/2015 at 12:27pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after a big presentation, people sent an open invitation to dinner. When I asked which restaurant and what time, I was told that I wasn't invited. I've been here for three years. FML

by spitt / 05/12/2015 at 10:11pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, while with a large group of friends, my best friend started talking about my struggles with dating and intimacy. I quietly asked her to stop talking about it, as it was personal and I wasn't comfortable with everyone else knowing. Her response? "Um, it's really none of your business." FML

by guitarki / 04/26/2015 at 2:49pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2015 at 6:05pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I overheard a large group of my friends and acquaintances making spontaneous plans to go see a movie that afternoon. I was the only person not invited. Normally I would have believed their excuse that they thought I was "sick at home", except I was sitting a few feet away the entire time. FML

by ifeelsoloved / 04/09/2015 at 2:25am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I've managed to go my whole nine-year teaching career without anyone vomiting in my classroom. That record was broken today when someone vomited four successive times in front of a class of 46 students. It was me. FML

by musicteacher / 03/12/2015 at 6:23am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked my friend who works there what really happened. Apparently not showing my boobs enough at a family place was grounds for dismissal. FML

by miewann / 03/03/2015 at 2:06pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML

by dickofbrokendreams / 03/02/2015 at 12:14am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I won a pool game against some guy. His friends started mocking him for getting his ass whooped by a pregnant girl who couldn't even lean over the table. He got mad, swung his pool stick at them, missed, and hit me right in the face. FML

by MCForty / 02/27/2015 at 10:29am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, after 3 hours of sleep, I had to rush to my grandmother's house because she fell and couldn't get up. An embarrassed, half-naked old lady, a very wet rug, an ambulance and a trip to the hospital later, and she still refuses to use her cane and walker. I hope I'm not this stubborn when I'm old. FML

by CatLady4Lyf / 02/16/2015 at 9:22am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss told me they were letting me go because they "could no longer afford to pay me." Never mind the catered lunch they had the day before, which cost more than a week's worth of my salary. FML

by Not Worth a Lunch / 02/02/2015 at 9:25am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML

by dogproblems / 01/27/2015 at 10:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, a kid looked at me, screamed, then ran away yelling "Chewbacca!" FML

by DrLight / 01/16/2015 at 8:59pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids