FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, at soccer, I repeatedly asked my coach for water as I was feeling light headed. His response every time was, "5 more minutes". Eventually, I got so dehydrated that I passed out. The first thing my coach said when I woke up was, "Why didn't you get some water?" FML

by Dehydrated / 09/01/2015 at 7:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, after some great sex, my boyfriend mused: "You know, from this position, I could punch you in the cunt and you wouldn't be able to stop me." I could only relax when he finally fell asleep nearly an hour later. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2015 at 10:03am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

by terrified / 08/08/2015 at 11:10pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, I walked outside to see my dog killing my cat. My spouse tried to cheer me up - "Hey, at least we don't have to buy cat food anymore!" FML

by Wow / 08/01/2015 at 3:06pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, at work, I saw a lady leave her infant in a display crib so she could go shopping. When I stopped her and told her she couldn't do that, she said, "Well, I do it all the time". FML

by Oihana / 07/31/2015 at 11:30pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, while volunteering at my local animal shelter, I was asked to clean the cat room. This entailed taking each cat out of its cage by hand and cleaning the inside. They forgot to mention that some of the cats were feral. I now look like I belly flopped into a cactus. FML

by hamiltonma / 07/31/2015 at 11:20pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at a professional tennis match. The ball was hit extremely hard, resulting in it going into the crowd. And when I say crowd, I mean my face. FML

by Ouch / 07/19/2015 at 10:36am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I walked outside to see the fireworks. I also got to see my neighbors burning a couch in the parking lot of my apartment complex to celebrate, right next to my car. FML

by hamiltonma / 07/04/2015 at 1:27pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to see me and told me that he had a surprise for me. I was excited at the idea of a romantic gesture, but forgot about it until he arrived and things began heating up. As I was removing his pants, I said, "Ooh, you shaved!" to which he replied, "Surprise!" FML

by mirandale / 07/02/2015 at 1:53am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was working at a fast food restaurant when I cut my hand. There was a good amount of blood flowing out so I ran to my manager and asked where the first aid kit was. He then picked up a washcloth and some tape and handed it to me. FML

by Greattitan2 / 06/29/2015 at 4:34pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, while watching a family movie, my mother made every effort to make sure I covered my eyes during a kissing scene. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since she still forces me to put my phone in her room every night as she makes me go to bed at 8:30 PM. FML

by anonynous / 06/27/2015 at 11:01am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, after walking in on my roommate, I found out that pleasuring yourself with a shoe is a thing. It wouldn't have been so bad if the shoe hadn't been mine. FML

by UkuleleTime / 06/23/2015 at 4:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2015 at 10:12am / United States (North Carolina) / Health