FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, was my birthday. I have been heavily hinting that I want an iPhone. I opened my present from my parents and found an iPhone box. Ecstatic, I quickly opened it. Apparently, my parents thought it would be funny to wrap my present, a $10 iTunes gift card, in the box my Dad's iPhone came in. FML

by muggle68 / 12/10/2009 at 3:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Money

Today, my lawyer threatened to sue me because I can't afford his bill, which he sent to me after getting me out of a lawsuit. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2009 at 4:14pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, we took the kids to the local pond near my sister-in-law's to feed the geese. I hadn't been there before, and thought I'd take a picture. I turned around to adjust my camera, but the geese, realizing the feast had ended, took flight. Before I could react I was showered with goose shit. FML

by fml...really / 11/27/2009 at 2:45am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML

by anniecook / 11/26/2009 at 7:26pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML

by buhknee / 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2009 at 6:26pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wasn't feeling too well. I decided to bring my laptop with me to the bathroom, because I figured I would be in there for a while. Things were going great, until I felt a burp coming. Next thing I know, my computer is covered with puke. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2009 at 10:45am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I got my crush's phone number. I started texting him and once I told him who it was, he stopped replying. FML

by tbanana95 / 11/03/2009 at 10:17pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw people laughing. Then the old security lady yelled for me to stop. She told me my books were on the top of my car but one had already fallen off. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all of my school papers flying everywhere. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2009 at 2:49pm / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation

Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years old. I'm 25. FML

by lloydLO / 10/23/2009 at 10:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son's teacher told me that I should take my son to the doctor, because he has been complaining of bad headaches. They ran some tests, and then removed a peanut that's apparently been lodged in his nose for months. FML

by CarolinaD / 10/23/2009 at 10:06am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's idea of "washing her feet" is sticking her foot in the toilet and flushing. FML

by userrrrr / 10/17/2009 at 10:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I wrote the most beautiful college application essay ever, ten minutes before the online deadline. Instead of clicking "submit", I clicked the button next to it that said "return". The entire essay vanished into internet wasteland. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2009 at 4:56pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous