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FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

#278978
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72998) - you deserved it (10365)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:30pm - misc - by MoneyMike (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I finally told my best friend whom I've secretly been in love with for two years that I was in love with her but at the last second chickened out and said I was joking. She replied with "Don't scare me like that. I thought I was going to have to find a new best friend for a second" FML

#230798
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65218) - you deserved it (6617)

On 03/06/2009 at 11:17pm - love - by crap (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to the ER for severe pain in my abdominal area. The doctor comes in after looking at the CT scan and says, "Well it's not your appendix." Thinking I'm in the clear I say, "That's Awesome", the doctor then responded with "It's probably your testicles." FML

Today, my mom needed coffee so I drove to Starbucks to get her some. She let me drive the Porsche, which has never happened. Upon coming home I picked the coffee up out of the cupholder so it wouldnt spill. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I spilled the coffee and crashed the car into the garage. FML

#218369
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19586) - you deserved it (58521)

On 03/05/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by cane - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in a few months. Once she finished, she handed me the mirror and asked, "How does it feel to look human again?" FML

#194901
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43802) - you deserved it (11344)

On 03/03/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by bluedevil26 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my dad had gotten a new cell phone. So I started to mess around with the cool features on his phone and stumbled upon some pictures he had taken. Next thing I know I'm looking at my mom going down on my dad. FML

#163784
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46938) - you deserved it (24350)

On 02/28/2009 at 7:33pm - misc - by AppState (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

#142269
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42140) - you deserved it (25348)

On 02/26/2009 at 11:08am - kids - by iailwkrb (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML

#128340
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95881) - you deserved it (6707)

On 02/24/2009 at 10:21pm - animals - by sammatthews2007 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I applied for a job in an Italian restaurant. Ideally I wanted to be a hostess rather than a waitress, and I told the manager as much. His response? "No no no. Hostess no good for you. We leave that to the pretty girls." FML

#121635
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46561) - you deserved it (3686)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:37am - work - by Ren (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while leaving school to skip fourth period, I hit someone's car in the parking lot. It was the teacher's whose class I was going to skip. FML

#88598
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9742) - you deserved it (52869)

On 02/20/2009 at 2:21pm - misc - by Ava777 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I woke up in a girls bed, that I have had a crush on for two years. She was sleeping on the floor with someone else. FML

#77324
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45727) - you deserved it (3727)

On 02/19/2009 at 11:29am - misc - by VacationTSA (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to McDonald's for lunch and ordered a salad. The man behind the counter looked at me and said "Well, at least you're trying." FML

#70885
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53057) - you deserved it (8413)

On 02/18/2009 at 6:52pm - health - by blawbo (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I let my friend who is in 'beauty school' do my hair. I now look like i have a mullet. What was supposed to be auburn highlights is now hot pink. I have a job interview in the morning. FML

#66787
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15455) - you deserved it (32343)

On 02/18/2009 at 3:35am - misc - by asdf1851 - United States (North Carolina)



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