FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, the guy that I've recently became close to texted me, wanting to hook up. He's very cute and I was definitely interested, so I agreed. The drive to his house lasted longer than the actual sex. He lives less than five minutes away. FML

by wasntworththedrive / 01/20/2010 at 1:43am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2010 at 2:26pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I am trying to get close to while we were at the bar. Music was playing, so I thought that while his attention was diverted I would sneak out a yawn. Just as I did so, the music went silent and I let out a tremendous burp. FML

by beriles / 01/15/2010 at 12:25am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I was the only cash register open at the local supermarket. I had to sell condoms and chocolate frosting to my ex. FML

by Narehs / 01/12/2010 at 8:05pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML

by Mic / 01/07/2010 at 12:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, my girlfriend accused me of not having any friends. So I sent out a mass text saying "Hey, what's up?" to prove her wrong. I didn't get any replies. FML

by Nox / 01/06/2010 at 2:25am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed white stuff in my colored clothes as I transferred them from the washer to the dryer. That's when I realized that the white stuff is my paycheck which I had put in my pants earlier. FML

by broke_kid / 01/03/2010 at 8:18am / United States (North Carolina) / Money

Today, I went through the Taco Bell drive through. The lady at the window handed me my food and receipt. In a moment of insanity, I threw the receipt at the cashier and yelled "WOOHOO." I attempted to burn rubber and get the hell out of dodge, only to remember my car was in park. FML

by TacoFail / 01/01/2010 at 11:46pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, the police called and told me that they had Alex in custody. Apparently, she had public sex with another woman and wants me to come bail her out. Alex is my mom. FML

by runescapeftw / 12/29/2009 at 1:18pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to take a nap while listening to my iPod, on the lowest volume possible. My girlfriend woke me up by turning the volume all the way up. I still can't hear out of both ears. FML

by SpaceAstronaut / 12/28/2009 at 4:42pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2009 at 9:12pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, my mom and I were going to the store. I decided to stay in the car while she went in. In the car next to me, there was a dog in the driver's seat barking at me. Bored, I barked back at it until I realized there was someone in the passenger's seat watching me. FML

by ApolloandDixie / 12/23/2009 at 1:17am / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation

Today, my best friend decided to admit to me that he and my girlfriend have been cheating behind my back for the past two months. The reason he finally admitted it? Because she is now cheating on him with another one of our friends. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love