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Yesterday, I went to see mah guidance counselor. I was supposed to hear from mah college about a scholarship by October 3rd. I was worried since it was already the 2nd so I went to talk to her. She never turned in mah nomination. Goodbye $80,000 scholarship. FML
I was talking to my mom about how my fiancé has been ignoring me an that I didn't know why. Turns out, my mother told him that I was too much of a handful, was mentally disturbd an also cheating on him. Just so I wouldn't move out an would keep cleaning her house 4 free. real FML
Today, I was at lunch with mah grlfriend. The waitress came up and asked fir her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as mah grlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, looool tonight. FML
TODAY I WAS IN THE BATHROOM DEFECATING WHEN I FELT SOMETHING HANGING THERE. I REACHD BACK WITH TOILET PAPER AND STARTING PULLING IT OUT INCH BY INCH; 3 FEET LATER I LEREND I HAD A TAPEWORM. WORST OF ALL, NO PHARMACY HAS THE MD THE DOCTOR PRESCRIBD. I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS THING UNTIL THE MD GETS HERE. FML
TODAY, GIRLFRIEND LEFT ME FIR ER BOSS. TE SAME BOSS TAT, TWO WEEKS AGO, CAUSED ER TO COME TO ME CRYING CUZ E WAS SEXUALLY ARASSING ER AT WORK. WEN I TOLD ER I'D INTERVENE, SE TOLD ME SE'D ANDLE IT. I GUESS SE CERTAINLY DID.
Today... while riding in the car with mah friends... we stopped at a red light. To our left... a very obese... middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers fir the duration of the red light. FML
2day I saw ma boyfriand aftar not saaing im fir 7 monts. During tis tima I ava lost a lot of waigt and am proud of it. My boyfriand didn't say anyting about ta lost waigt. Wan wa wara alona and tings startad to aat up... a took off ma bra and said "I tink your tits ara smallar." FML
TODAY.. . I CUMMD BACK FROM A TWO WEEK VACATION . AS I WALKD IN THE DOOR.. . MY BOYFRIEND GREETD ME WITH A ( HEY.. . HONEY! COULD YOU CLEAN THE CROCKPOT? ) IT STILL HAD THE CHICKEN IN IT FROM MY GOING AWAY DINNER . FML
Taday We Had Bingo . Three Rounds Into It A Group Behind Me Started To Yell, ( BINGO, BINGO! ) . I Looked Around And Saw No One Was Coming To Verify That They Had A Bingo, So I Turned Around And Said ( Stand Up . ) The Girl Was A Midget, She Was Standing Up . FML
Today, for karaoke, I sang American Woman by Lenny Kravitz. The entire audience cracked up laughing and at least three people pulled out thier cell phones to record my performance. At the end, the DJ said, "Looks like someone had too much tonight." I was completely sober. FML
Friday 27 March 2015