FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, my brother asked if he could borrow my razor, since he recently hit puberty and wanted to have a shave. I decided to be nice and let him. When he returned it half an hour later, I couldn't help but notice his facial hair was untouched. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2010 at 12:54am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that being rushed unconscious to the hospital and missing work qualifies you for termination if you don't call in, even if you have a note from the ER doctor. FML

by pissedexworker / 12/18/2010 at 10:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 12:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, my best friend lost her virginity in the backseat of a car. I was sitting in the front. FML

by Olive14 / 12/16/2010 at 3:03pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2010 at 12:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of almost two years proposed to me. Everything was perfect. The ring was beautiful. And seconds after I said yes he went to play his new xbox game. FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2010 at 1:08am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of two years called me on Skype while he was taking a crap. Think it's a sign that maybe we've been dating for too long. FML

by fail / 12/05/2010 at 1:35am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, my boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period. He calls it "bloody victory." FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 7:39pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up, and he came by to get his things while I was at work. When I got home I saw that the only thing he had taken was my cat. I only dated him for 5 months, I've had that cat for 14 years. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 12:20am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, my parents found several drawings of a dinosaur girl in various bondage equipment posing seductively in my purse. The drawings weren't mine, nor do I have any idea where they came from, but my parents now think I'm a freak. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2010 at 9:03am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered my boyfriend prays before and after sex, because he thinks he'll keep his abstinence by doing so. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2010 at 6:49pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over to visit. Being nice, I let him walk down the stairs first, following after him. I still managed to reach the bottom before he did; after taking one step, I lost my footing and fell all the way down, scraping the skin off my arms and legs, and bruising my butt. FML

by brelni / 11/28/2010 at 12:17pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my house is suffering from an infestation of these tiny black beetles. After brushing my teeth tonight, I was rinsing out my toothbrush when I found that one of the beetles had curled up to die between the bristles. FML

by twice-a-day / 11/18/2010 at 12:04am / United States (North Carolina) / Health