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FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, after some great sex, my boyfriend mused: "You know, from this position, I could punch you in the cunt and you wouldn't be able to stop me." I could only relax when he finally fell asleep nearly an hour later. FML

#21459620
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23014) - you deserved it (2556)

On 08/23/2015 at 10:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

#21453669
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25926) - you deserved it (2290)

On 08/08/2015 at 11:10pm - animals - by terrified (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I walked outside to see my dog killing my cat. My spouse tried to cheer me up - "Hey, at least we don't have to buy cat food anymore!" FML

#21450491
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27099) - you deserved it (3118)

On 08/01/2015 at 3:06pm - animals - by Wow (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, at work, I saw a lady leave her infant in a display crib so she could go shopping. When I stopped her and told her she couldn't do that, she said, "Well, I do it all the time". FML

#21450242
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27531) - you deserved it (1886)

On 07/31/2015 at 11:30pm - kids - by Oihana - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while volunteering at my local animal shelter, I was asked to clean the cat room. This entailed taking each cat out of its cage by hand and cleaning the inside. They forgot to mention that some of the cats were feral. I now look like I belly flopped into a cactus. FML

Today, I was at a professional tennis match. The ball was hit extremely hard, resulting in it going into the crowd. And when I say crowd, I mean my face. FML

#21443966
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22780) - you deserved it (1982)

On 07/19/2015 at 10:36am - health - by Ouch - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I walked outside to see the fireworks. I also got to see my neighbors burning a couch in the parking lot of my apartment complex to celebrate, right next to my car. FML

Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to see me and told me that he had a surprise for me. I was excited at the idea of a romantic gesture, but forgot about it until he arrived and things began heating up. As I was removing his pants, I said, "Ooh, you shaved!" to which he replied, "Surprise!" FML

Today, I was working at a fast food restaurant when I cut my hand. There was a good amount of blood flowing out so I ran to my manager and asked where the first aid kit was. He then picked up a washcloth and some tape and handed it to me. FML

#21433911
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24045) - you deserved it (1747)

On 06/29/2015 at 4:34pm - work - by Greattitan2 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while watching a family movie, my mother made every effort to make sure I covered my eyes during a kissing scene. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since she still forces me to put my phone in her room every night as she makes me go to bed at 8:30 PM. FML

#21432771
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27053) - you deserved it (3420)

On 06/27/2015 at 11:01am - misc - by anonynous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after walking in on my roommate, I found out that pleasuring yourself with a shoe is a thing. It wouldn't have been so bad if the shoe hadn't been mine. FML

#21430531
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30699) - you deserved it (2230)

On 06/23/2015 at 4:07am - intimacy - by UkuleleTime - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML

#21427521
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37550) - you deserved it (2895)

On 06/17/2015 at 10:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went out to eat. When I walked into the restaurant, a lady approached me and said she'd seat me soon. After a long wait, I saw that same lady leave. Then I realized she didn't actually work there and was just screwing with me. FML

#21426994
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30046) - you deserved it (3300)

On 06/16/2015 at 12:13pm - misc - by VHBJ - United States (North Carolina)



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