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FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, the police called and told me that they had Alex in custody. Apparently, she had public sex with another woman and wants me to come bail her out. Alex is my mom. FML

#7014156
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26073) - you deserved it (2238)

On 12/29/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by runescapeftw (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I decided to take a nap while listening to my iPod, on the lowest volume possible. My girlfriend woke me up by turning the volume all the way up. I still can't hear out of both ears. FML

#6995956
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25826) - you deserved it (4733)

On 12/28/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by SpaceAstronaut (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

#6910234
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21535) - you deserved it (6758)

On 12/23/2009 at 9:12pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mom and I were going to the store. I decided to stay in the car while she went in. In the car next to me, there was a dog in the driver's seat barking at me. Bored, I barked back at it until I realized there was someone in the passenger's seat watching me. FML

#6896062
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7942) - you deserved it (30282)

On 12/23/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by ApolloandDixie (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my best friend decided to admit to me that he and my girlfriend have been cheating behind my back for the past two months. The reason he finally admitted it? Because she is now cheating on him with another one of our friends. FML

#6812194
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31635) - you deserved it (2317)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML

#6791694
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26196) - you deserved it (2123)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:35am - intimacy - by turriblebday (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML

#6719258
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23669) - you deserved it (2030)

On 12/12/2009 at 4:28am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, was my birthday. I have been heavily hinting that I want an iPhone. I opened my present from my parents and found an iPhone box. Ecstatic, I quickly opened it. Apparently, my parents thought it would be funny to wrap my present, a $10 iTunes gift card, in the box my Dad's iPhone came in. FML

#6695365
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30665) - you deserved it (7476)

On 12/10/2009 at 3:38pm - money - by muggle68 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my lawyer threatened to sue me because I can't afford his bill, which he sent to me after getting me out of a lawsuit. FML

#6569414
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10901) - you deserved it (32618)

On 12/02/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, we took the kids to the local pond near my sister-in-law's to feed the geese. I hadn't been there before, and thought I'd take a picture. I turned around to adjust my camera, but the geese, realizing the feast had ended, took flight. Before I could react I was showered with goose shit. FML

#6474264
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23215) - you deserved it (3619)

On 11/27/2009 at 2:45am - misc - by fml...really (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML

#6467365
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20817) - you deserved it (6425)

On 11/26/2009 at 7:26pm - misc - by anniecook (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML

#6439149
341 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70171) - you deserved it (12067)

On 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by buhknee - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML

#6315427
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9691) - you deserved it (33097)

On 11/15/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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