FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, I found out that instead of being stationed in Afghanistan, my husband of 9 years has been "stationed" at his other girlfriend's house. FML

by AlwaysGottaFML / 08/20/2011 at 3:26am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I walked in on my mom ranting on about what a useless bitch I am. She was talking to my cat. It's not the first time this has happened, either. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2011 at 3:32pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

by CrappyLuck / 08/03/2011 at 10:43pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, my ex-boyfriend called to tell me that he had always made a point to eat some form of meat before making out with me. He'd known I was a vegetarian since the day we met. FML

by HaHa Not Funny / 08/02/2011 at 12:13am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, after being recently laid off at work due to "cutbacks", I went job searching around town. During my drive, I cruised past my old workplace and saw a "now hiring" sign in their window. FML

by jellymoon14 / 07/28/2011 at 6:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, while I was at work, a co-worker watched while some kid stole the radio out of my car. FML

by cocokiss410 / 07/28/2011 at 12:34am / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation

Today, I was going to a talent show. On the way there, my car broke down, I lost my keys and managed to slam my hand in a window. I got there and waited in the theater for an hour before a janitor came by and said, "Show is tomorrow, lady." FML

by lizzie / 07/27/2011 at 9:30am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I couldn't shut a drawer in my kitchen, because an oven mitt was blocking it. An oven mitt filled with tin-foil wrapped electronics. My Mom believes Internet hackers can get into her digital camera and prepaid cell phone, and apparently tin-foil will prevent that. FML

by BelleCharmante / 07/14/2011 at 12:50am / United States (North Carolina) / Geek

Today, marks the seventh day of having my nose pierced. I'd done everything I was supposed to do, even sleeping with a band-aid over it. This morning, I woke up to my piercing being ripped out by my pillow, and the band-aid nowhere in sight. FML

by meggiemouse / 07/09/2011 at 2:00pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I realized I have no life after I created a fake Facebook account, posted an insulting message on my wall, and then engaged in a vicious argument with it, just so I could impress my friends. FML

by jen / 07/08/2011 at 10:57am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took my laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of my stolen shirts. FML

by Danielle / 06/06/2011 at 3:00pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so sick that I was puking and had the runs. While on the toilet, I yelled for my boyfriend to get me a bowl to puke in. As I did so, I saw that a ton of it was forming on the floor in dots. My boyfriend had given me a spaghetti strainer. FML

by megomania / 05/02/2011 at 9:51am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML

by Laci / 04/30/2011 at 1:50pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health