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FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying he needed me to bail him out of jail. The crime? Masturbating in public. FML

#13027296
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37500) - you deserved it (5611)

On 09/12/2010 at 10:29pm - intimacy - by nickim756 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I saw a pregnant woman fall off her moped. As I helped her back up, I asked if her baby was okay. I was then blindsided by her brick of a purse while she screeched, "I'm not pregnant!" FML

#12978486
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28041) - you deserved it (12731)

On 09/09/2010 at 4:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while I was running in a cross country meet, a bug flew into my right eye. Then, a bug flew into my left eye. Not wanting to lose a neck-and-neck sprint, I tried to run blind. I hit a pole. FML

#12906050
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26921) - you deserved it (8011)

On 09/04/2010 at 7:43pm - misc - by ow (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I decided to watch a movie I hadn't seen before to bring my spirits up, as I've been feeling down lately. How did the movie end? Everybody died. FML

#12344215
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25755) - you deserved it (7687)

On 08/06/2010 at 1:12am - misc - by Shouldaknown (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I woke up to my English bulldog standing over me, getting ready to pee. I didn't move in time. FML

#12225863
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28140) - you deserved it (4964)

On 07/31/2010 at 12:28pm - misc - by Monkey (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I bought my girlfriend an expensive chihuahua puppy because she was never allowed to have one as a kid. She was so excited and happy so she leaned in to give it a kiss. It bit her in the face, she had to get stitches, and they put the $500 dog to sleep. FML

#12192420
340 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35547) - you deserved it (6994)

On 07/29/2010 at 7:13pm - money - by Joseph (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I learned that there's nothing quite like coming downstairs in a t-shirt and panties, only to discover your fiancé has a bunch of his friends over. FML

Today, my girlfriend won't have sex with me. Why? Because my mii knocked out her mii in Wii boxing. It wouldn't be as bad if she wasn't in one player mode. FML

#11907332
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31940) - you deserved it (4347)

On 07/15/2010 at 9:12pm - intimacy - by knock_out (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I watched a stray dog hump a garden gnome in my front yard. So did my two year old daughter. I've already had to stop her "re-enactments" twice. FML

#11806163
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33205) - you deserved it (4299)

On 07/11/2010 at 4:05am - intimacy - by awkwardsituation - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I discovered my former boss from the job I quit 3 months is now my boss at my new job. He was the reason I quit my old job. FML

#11602306
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42854) - you deserved it (2901)

On 07/02/2010 at 12:21am - work - by lmao4eva93 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend of over 2 years said he wants to get married before he leaves for basic training. Not because he loves me, but because he'll get paid more if he's married. This is the only time he's been excited about marriage. FML

#11383456
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35947) - you deserved it (4438)

On 06/22/2010 at 4:12pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boss told me I was fired 3 weeks ago because there was no money to pay me, meaning that I worked the last three weeks for free. FML

#11198963
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40284) - you deserved it (2638)

On 06/14/2010 at 7:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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