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FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, I realized my anger management has hit a new low when I screamed at a goose for being a goose. FML

#21309384
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27629) - you deserved it (7479)

On 12/01/2014 at 11:38am - misc - by WickedLittleDoll - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I learned that when you're talking about your girlfriend's 6'4", 250 lb dad in a negative way, you should really make sure he isn't around first. FML

#21295068
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17921) - you deserved it (34808)

On 11/08/2014 at 10:38pm - misc - by jlong9071 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I overheard my dad telling his friends that the only way I'll ever sleep with a woman is with the help of Rohypnol. FML

#21292660
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25792) - you deserved it (2411)

On 11/05/2014 at 11:54am - misc - by chlorobitch551 (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my best friend told me that she was a virgin again because she hadn't had sex in 6 months. She's 19 and actually believes it. FML

#21289249
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29336) - you deserved it (2306)

On 10/31/2014 at 7:10pm - misc - by AnonymousAmber - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while waiting for a plane, a man in a wheelchair was struggling to get to baggage, so I helped him. I did so without realising that I passed through the "No Entry" gate. What did I forget? My phone, my ID, and my boarding pass. What do you need to get back to the plane? All of those. FML

Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and head butted me. Now there is just an awkward silence. FML

#21270556
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32985) - you deserved it (3872)

On 10/04/2014 at 8:11am - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my Spanish teacher told me that the reason the girl I'm tutoring hasn't contacted me yet is because she emailed the teacher saying she didn't like my name, therefore she didn't want me to be her tutor. FML

#21268609
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32665) - you deserved it (2417)

On 09/30/2014 at 10:05pm - misc - by Hi, I'm Heather - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found my son trying to comb his hair with scissors. He's the same kid who thought that if he ate toothpaste, he would never have to brush his teeth again. FML

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

#21253662
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34931) - you deserved it (3235)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:55am - health - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML

#21251846
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41824) - you deserved it (8312)

On 09/04/2014 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by candy man - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

#21222062
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53110) - you deserved it (6406)

On 07/27/2014 at 1:12pm - love - by fingwhore (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML

#21216504
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36761) - you deserved it (3123)

On 07/21/2014 at 5:15pm - work - by notpayedenoughforthisshit (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML



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