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FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, I've managed to go my whole nine-year teaching career without anyone vomiting in my classroom. That record was broken today when someone vomited four successive times in front of a class of 46 students. It was me. FML

#21373013
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30862) - you deserved it (2497)

On 03/12/2015 at 6:23am - work - by musicteacher - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked my friend who works there what really happened. Apparently not showing my boobs enough at a family place was grounds for dismissal. FML

#21367306
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28396) - you deserved it (1990)

On 03/03/2015 at 2:06pm - work - by miewann - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML

#21366308
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30536) - you deserved it (2551)

On 03/02/2015 at 12:14am - intimacy - by dickofbrokendreams - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I won a pool game against some guy. His friends started mocking him for getting his ass whooped by a pregnant girl who couldn't even lean over the table. He got mad, swung his pool stick at them, missed, and hit me right in the face. FML

#21364532
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34786) - you deserved it (2409)

On 02/27/2015 at 10:29am - misc - by MCForty (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after 3 hours of sleep, I had to rush to my grandmother's house because she fell and couldn't get up. An embarrassed, half-naked old lady, a very wet rug, an ambulance and a trip to the hospital later, and she still refuses to use her cane and walker. I hope I'm not this stubborn when I'm old. FML

Today, my boss told me they were letting me go because they "could no longer afford to pay me." Never mind the catered lunch they had the day before, which cost more than a week's worth of my salary. FML

#21348253
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30904) - you deserved it (2076)

On 02/02/2015 at 9:25am - work - by Not Worth a Lunch - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML

#21345020
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25204) - you deserved it (2886)

On 01/27/2015 at 10:09am - animals - by dogproblems (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a kid looked at me, screamed, then ran away yelling "Chewbacca!" FML

#21338512
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27579) - you deserved it (3144)

On 01/16/2015 at 8:59pm - kids - by DrLight - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I learned that when a man in the row in front of you at a movie theater tells you to shut up, you shouldn't tell him to fuck off. He might be 6'4 with a short temper. FML

#21337906
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13850) - you deserved it (44469)

On 01/15/2015 at 10:15pm - misc - by whoops.. (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got a notice on my apartment door that I'd received a package when no one was home, and it was left at the backdoor. I don't have a backdoor. FML

#21331498
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26371) - you deserved it (1800)

On 01/05/2015 at 6:47pm - misc - by ivegotapackage (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, in an attempt to be romantic, I kissed my husband as passionately as I could. After, he looked at me and said, "You taste like Chinese food." FML

#21330815
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26407) - you deserved it (4695)

On 01/04/2015 at 6:14pm - love - by TimJack18 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Can't, bigamy's illegal." I still don't know if she was joking or not, because she keeps changing the subject whenever I mention it. FML

#21322691
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29502) - you deserved it (2500)

On 12/23/2014 at 1:24pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, immediately after being informed of the sketchy activities that take place in our store parking lot after dark, I'm handed an orange vest and told to go out there to retrieve carts. FML

#21321892
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26858) - you deserved it (2081)

On 12/22/2014 at 2:53am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)



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