FMLs submitted from North Carolina

Today, after two weeks of intense detective work, I found out my wife isn't cheating on me after all. She really has just been going out and playing table tennis with her friend like she said. Who the hell even plays table tennis? FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2016 at 8:40am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, while driving to a client's home, I received a text. Since I loathe those who text and drive, I pulled into a convenience store's parking lot. While I was texting, a car sped into the lot, rear-ending my car. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2016 at 4:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, my mom said, "I'm sorry your life is such shit." She meant it as an apology. FML

by Jack / 08/08/2016 at 8:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, during an important meeting, I forgot the name for West Virginia and described it as, "Virginia a bit to the left". FML

by Torvaltz / 08/07/2016 at 4:31am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating because I've been buying generic groceries instead of name brand to save money. Apparently, I must be using the extra money on another woman. FML

by Jaraxxus / 07/26/2016 at 5:45am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was woken up by my dad and my dog barking at each other, and my dad yelling, "I am the Alpha male!" FML

by DumbassRoaster / 07/10/2016 at 3:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, I found out my aunt posted a picture of my butt in a bikini bottom on Facebook. I didn't even know she had taken that picture. FML

by ClairvoyantVamp / 07/06/2016 at 7:09pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I purposefully spilt my 44oz. cup of water on myself at work, because spending the rest of the day in soaking wet pants was less embarrassing than letting people know I'd pissed myself. FML

by Pissed / 06/20/2016 at 3:27pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML

by Reeen / 06/03/2016 at 6:29pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, it's been months since I graduated university. I still haven't managed to land a single interview. Meanwhile my brother recently woke up from a week long bender, realized he had no money for weed, went out, and 4 days later landed a well paid sales job 15 minutes from home. FML

by yamblam5 / 05/28/2016 at 11:32pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I returned from a week long vacation in Aruba. After 10 hours of travel and 3 flights, I was walking to my car at the airport, excited to finally get home, only to realize I left my car keys, apartment keys, and work keys at the resort. FML

by kaleemuller / 05/03/2016 at 11:50am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I finally saw a dermatologist due to my unusually severe acne. Now I know I actually have a rare disorder that makes me allergic to my own acne. FML

by chuffberry / 04/19/2016 at 9:39am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I'd like to thank the genius who scheduled my class in a building which is actively being torn down. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2016 at 7:46pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work