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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I had just opened up some porn on my laptop when my mom walked into my room, so I slammed the laptop shut. I didn't know the speakers continue to function after the laptop is closed. FML

#5925
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15507) - you deserved it (44671)

On 02/03/2009 at 5:24am - intimacy - by hitmutefirst (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I am going to an event where I will be meeting quite a few people who will be excellent contacts in my future career. Since I wanted to make a good impression, I did the whole makeup and grooming thing before setting out, I accidentally removed about half my left eyebrow. FML

#5776
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18586) - you deserved it (7037)

On 02/02/2009 at 8:10pm - work - by wiseoldone - United States (New York)

Today, I was standing on a desk at work to run wiring in a suspended ceiling, since we have no ladder. My phone rang, I rushed to answer it, tripping and smashing my leg. It was my boss, calling to tell me he was bringing over a ladder. FML

#4954
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18862) - you deserved it (3395)

On 02/01/2009 at 7:11pm - work - by fonsui - United States (New York)

Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style position was fun, it made him wonder what it would be like to rape a girl. FML

#4489
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63443) - you deserved it (5493)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:53am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

#3992
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5953) - you deserved it (77487)

On 01/31/2009 at 6:48am - love - by jeesh - United States (New York)

Today, I found my drunken roommate asleep in my bed, naked, after he'd peed himself. FML

#3934
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23417) - you deserved it (1430)

On 01/30/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by shit - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my assistant is now my manager. FML

#3854
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25537) - you deserved it (2505)

On 01/30/2009 at 5:57pm - work - by thatsillegal - United States (New York)

Today, the dentist had to give me a lot of novacaine because my mouth wasn't becoming numb. After the 4th time the entire right side of my mouth was numb, except for the 2 teeth getting worked on. FML

#3757
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25324) - you deserved it (1390)

On 01/30/2009 at 12:05pm - health - by ihateeverything - United States (New York)

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

#3670
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20813) - you deserved it (5237)

On 01/30/2009 at 9:42am - love - by anonymous neighbor - United States (New York)

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

#3469
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21808) - you deserved it (3145)

On 01/29/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, my parents told me that they received a letter from a prison. Being curious they opened it up and read the entire thing. It was from this girl I randomly met. Now I have a prison stalker and my parents think I date felons. FML

#3360
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18892) - you deserved it (2297)

On 01/29/2009 at 12:04pm - misc - by K Holed - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to make a toaster scramble. I thought it was bad enough when the pastry fell through the grate in the toaster over. Then it burst into flames. After 5 minutes of fanning the smoke away from the smoke detector, it still went off. Now my entire dorm building is outside in a snowstorm. FML

#3178
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17646) - you deserved it (4749)

On 01/28/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by im_a_mocker - United States (New York)

Today, walking to work in a snowstorm since I don't own a car, a man rolled down his window and screamed, "what are you doing you f***ing freak? you stupid b**ch!", while I waited for a green light to cross. FML

#3093
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23039) - you deserved it (2112)

On 01/28/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by likwidsol - United States (New York)



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