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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing 'never have I ever.' My girlfriend's turn came up and she went with, 'Never have I ever had an orgasm.' FML

#64211
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60445) - you deserved it (19352)

On 02/17/2009 at 10:22pm - intimacy - by skeletor (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was working the register at a local grocery store. A kid about 5 years old was having trouble zipping his jacket. I reached out to help him and he started screaming "No bad touch bad touch!" and kicked me in the knee. Everyone looked. FML

#62507
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31168) - you deserved it (8296)

On 02/17/2009 at 6:56pm - work - by jessica (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, the 9th grade dean called me into his office to talk. He asked me if I was new because it seemed like I was having trouble making friends. I've been going to the same school, with the same people, since kindergarten. FML

#61583
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41041) - you deserved it (2842)

On 02/17/2009 at 4:53pm - misc - by lene (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after some very passionate sex with my girlfriend, she exclaims "that was amazing Drew..." She quickly tried to turn "Drew" into my actual name which does not sound a thing like Drew. FML

#60541
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64765) - you deserved it (3480)

On 02/17/2009 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by mynameisnotdrew (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said "you smell really good." He turned to me and said "You don't." FML

#59427
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48678) - you deserved it (11977)

On 02/17/2009 at 3:10am - intimacy - by pixie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the airport, about to listen to Disney's Camp Rock soundtrack on my iPhone. I pressed play, only to realize that my headphones weren't plugged in all the way. Everone sitting near me heard Joe Jonas' voice coming from my phone. I am 40 years old. FML

#54346
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11087) - you deserved it (61869)

On 02/16/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by Italian_Stallion (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my Mom came to pay me a short visit at college. She handed me some flowers, which were a Valentine's Day gift, because she "figured I wouldn't be getting any from anyone else this year." FML

#40460
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28897) - you deserved it (2263)

On 02/14/2009 at 1:23am - misc - by clementine8 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to dinner with my friend and his family. I went to the men's room at the same time as his father, and as we peed next to each other in adjacent urinals the father looked over at me and said "Don't worry, I've seen smaller." FML

#37714
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33491) - you deserved it (2490)

On 02/13/2009 at 3:40pm - misc - by samrodpuertorico (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my mom I was going through a growth spurt. She said "Yeah, horizontally." FML

#37276
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28778) - you deserved it (6138)

On 02/13/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by shorty (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized that I know more about the history of the Transformers than I do about talking to women. FML

#35674
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11548) - you deserved it (39782)

On 02/13/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by AwesomePGnarles (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

#34420
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12508) - you deserved it (42829)

On 02/12/2009 at 11:12pm - misc - by idkmybffjill? (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was "Sometimes it's okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped." FML

#33444
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51047) - you deserved it (5498)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Duckie W (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

#33255
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17596) - you deserved it (38665)

On 02/12/2009 at 7:54pm - misc - by SmokedSalmon (man) - United States (New York)



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