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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

#21069326
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50830) - you deserved it (6704)

On 02/23/2014 at 12:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

#21057121
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47700) - you deserved it (8064)

On 02/11/2014 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

#21055217
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39022) - you deserved it (7497)

On 02/09/2014 at 9:36am - misc - by took it - United States (New York)

Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

#21050614
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38179) - you deserved it (7159)

On 02/04/2014 at 8:03pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, as I came home from school, I saw a little rock in the road. I kicked it, intending to send it sailing into the bushes in front of my house. It went wide and sailed straight into a window instead. FML

#21050272
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29658) - you deserved it (14827)

On 02/04/2014 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend decided the best way to inform me of his shoplifting tendencies was to steal stuff while we were at Starbucks. FML

#21049681
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38605) - you deserved it (4117)

On 02/03/2014 at 8:30pm - love - by lbailey32 - United States (New York)

Today, I was bitched out at 2am by my parents, for trying to "sneak out." I was sneaking out of my bedroom to take a crap. FML

#21048094
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42047) - you deserved it (3659)

On 02/02/2014 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my mom announced to everyone that she wants at least ten grandchildren. I'm an only child. FML

Today, my Axe shampoo, body wash, and deodorant finally did their job: they got a girl to notice me. Too bad the girl was my grandma. FML

#21047196
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37580) - you deserved it (12673)

On 02/01/2014 at 1:37pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

#21044466
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49938) - you deserved it (21914)

On 01/29/2014 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

#21043113
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50362) - you deserved it (4036)

On 01/28/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by Order of the Dangling Testicles (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML

#21043075
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40979) - you deserved it (3821)

On 01/28/2014 at 2:43pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML

#21041865
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42112) - you deserved it (4827)

On 01/27/2014 at 2:26pm - love - by love you too mommy - United States (New York)



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