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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

#99356
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28198) - you deserved it (78045)

On 02/21/2009 at 9:07pm - intimacy - by svet (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

#97729
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91729) - you deserved it (6875)

On 02/21/2009 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

#90638
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66737) - you deserved it (10486)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:25pm - intimacy - by acw2110 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a bar with a friend. A guy came up to me, took my drink and drank it. I laughed and jokingly said "now, you have to buy me a drink." He said "I would rather buy your friend a drink." FML

#87320
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45837) - you deserved it (3596)

On 02/20/2009 at 11:16am - love - by darn it. (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, they were handing out free razors in the mall. I went up to get my free sample, but the woman just smiled and said, "Sorry honey, they're sharp, and not for children." I'm 25. FML

#84898
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41074) - you deserved it (2340)

On 02/20/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML

#79669
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49042) - you deserved it (4873)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by dpl (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my sister asked if she could look through my closet to find something to wear. She is 6 months pregnant. FML

#79349
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41657) - you deserved it (7898)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:11pm - health - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury. I went to the nurse's office and asked "Can I have some ice?" They responded with "Why, what happened to your face?" FML

#75712
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43078) - you deserved it (2483)

On 02/19/2009 at 2:09am - misc - by Offended (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML

#75299
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48164) - you deserved it (9787)

On 02/19/2009 at 1:14am - animals - by zac545 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML

#70656
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46770) - you deserved it (11865)

On 02/18/2009 at 6:27pm - kids - by girlmeetsworld - United States (New York)

Today, I complimented my mom with "Hey, I think you lost some weight." She replied with "Yeah, I think you found it." FML

#69443
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42562) - you deserved it (6092)

On 02/18/2009 at 4:09pm - health - by Kristina (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my mom changing. She was trying on a thong my boyfriend bought me for Valentine's Day. It looks better on her. FML

#69080
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43450) - you deserved it (4155)

On 02/18/2009 at 3:26pm - misc - by wnrz (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing 'never have I ever.' My girlfriend's turn came up and she went with, 'Never have I ever had an orgasm.' FML

#64211
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60444) - you deserved it (19352)

On 02/17/2009 at 10:22pm - intimacy - by skeletor (man) - United States (New York)



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