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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I was sitting in the living room with my parents when my dad asked my mom if she knew where he could find some double a batteries. She said to check my vibrator. He said he already did. FML

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'd be going on a trip to Europe. I assured him that I would never cheat on him with any european guys. He replied with, "Why would I be worried? You're not very pretty." FML

#146890
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61965) - you deserved it (6097)

On 02/26/2009 at 8:42pm - love - by bilol (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I took the subway. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said, "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off. He was blind. FML

#144886
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10544) - you deserved it (71302)

On 02/26/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by belladonna (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to have dessert with my boyfriend. We ordered some Jello. I said that I loved Jello because it is so fun and jiggly. My boyfriend said, "Like you. Except the fun part". FML

#137765
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44697) - you deserved it (5214)

On 02/25/2009 at 9:23pm - misc - by Jello (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my boss I was bored of being a cashier and would rather go to food prep. He told me I couldn't because my arms were too hairy. I'm a sixteen year old girl. FML

#133390
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44787) - you deserved it (5507)

On 02/25/2009 at 2:15pm - work - by hairy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

#133145
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14214) - you deserved it (66277)

On 02/25/2009 at 1:41pm - work - by foolishgirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it stuck mid-floor. Being supportive, I went to hug her and tell her we'll be OK. Today I also learned that my girlfriend is deathly claustrophobic and her predominant reaction is to vomit. In this case, all over me. We were stuck for 2 hours. FML

#132840
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49780) - you deserved it (3190)

On 02/25/2009 at 12:53pm - love - by goingup? (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

#132176
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20579) - you deserved it (37247)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by riappp (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

#126669
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (121974) - you deserved it (22163)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I drove to a job interview. I had to sneeze, but because I was driving on the highway, I didn't let go of the wheel to cover my mouth. I didn't know the sneeze was a "productive" one until I was sitting in the interview, looked down at my new blouse and saw the giant lugie sitting there. FML

#112502
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31792) - you deserved it (7939)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:16am - work - by Debbie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

#99356
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28191) - you deserved it (78028)

On 02/21/2009 at 9:07pm - intimacy - by svet (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

#97729
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91702) - you deserved it (6874)

On 02/21/2009 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

#90638
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66722) - you deserved it (10484)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:25pm - intimacy - by acw2110 (woman) - United States (New York)



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