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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML

#360907
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72513) - you deserved it (16803)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:18pm - intimacy - by hala (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I rode in the cab on the way back to my dorm from the airport. The taxi driver was on the phone and not really paying attention. I paid him and got out of the cab, but he drove away before I could get my luggage out of the trunk. FML

#355995
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69229) - you deserved it (4868)

On 03/15/2009 at 8:49pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

#350139
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72754) - you deserved it (27235)

On 03/15/2009 at 6:45pm - intimacy - by Moanie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

#334226
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56352) - you deserved it (18560)

On 03/15/2009 at 1:07am - misc - by marsbar (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I spent 5 hours preparing dinner for my fianc''s grandparents, whom I've never met. At dinner, his grandmother says to him, "If you're going to pick someone to spend the rest of your life with, at least make sure she can cook." I'm the executive chef at a 4 star restaurant. FML

#334008
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89196) - you deserved it (4917)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:56am - misc - by chefdujour (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I ran for the train that was about to leave. I tried to hold the doors open with my leg and got stuck. The conductor just yelled out how unbelievable and ridiculous I was and waited 2 minutes to finally release me. Everyone was laughing at me. FML

#332673
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39935) - you deserved it (15506)

On 03/14/2009 at 11:56pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when this small boy starts looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kids face look like that"? He said it so loud 3 tables next to us turned and looked. FML

#330235
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47268) - you deserved it (3000)

On 03/14/2009 at 9:46pm - kids - by maximumpower (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

#319539
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18277) - you deserved it (189763)

On 03/14/2009 at 11:16am - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML

#311198
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22766) - you deserved it (63889)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:45pm - misc - by Jonnygiant (man) - United States (New York)

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

#305736
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66371) - you deserved it (26913)

On 03/13/2009 at 4:54pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a $200 ticket mailed to me for drunk driving in Maryland. I have never been pulled over for drunk driving and I have never been to Maryland. FML

#290845
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89251) - you deserved it (3841)

On 03/12/2009 at 8:38pm - money - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked behind a girl I hooked up with last weekend while she was on the computer in the library. I noticed she was looking at my facebook page and got excited. Then I heard her say to her friend, "This is the one smallest penis I have ever seen." FML

#273753
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67950) - you deserved it (8583)

On 03/11/2009 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a man on the train asked me if i had any change. I quickly responded with "no habla engles". He then tapped me on the shoulder and said "That would've been a lot more believable if you weren't reading that paper." FML

#271640
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11679) - you deserved it (128198)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:05pm - money - by nthor (man) - United States (New York)



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