FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I was playing tennis with my friend. He hit a ball up high, and I slammed it down, thinking there was no way he would get it. Feeling pretty good about it, I turned around to celebrate. As I turned around, I got smacked in my face. He got it. FML

by Name / 07/11/2009 at 12:20am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, after buying dinner from the supermarket, I had the change in my hand, and my wallet. In the parking lot, a quarter fell out of my hand, and right next to the street drain. As I went to pick it up, my wallet fell down the drain. FML

by Anonymous / 07/09/2009 at 1:15am / United States (New York) / Money

Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML

by Stoopid / 07/07/2009 at 1:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend came over to talk. She just got back from a small vacation. She asked me to feed her dogs while she was gone, so I did. I even stayed with them at times so they wouldnt get lonely. My girlfriend had come over to break up with me. She didn't do so earlier because she needed her dogs fed. FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2009 at 4:27pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I saw a major accident then stopped to help the drivers. I was on my way to a rest stop to use the bathroom so as we were waiting for police I went into the woods and I come out to the police arresting me for public urination. One of the drivers said I was "using the woods for a bathroom." FML

by JMU / 07/06/2009 at 3:34pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML

by Seabiscuit / 07/06/2009 at 12:03am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was walking around town with the girl I have loved for four years and have been 100% faithful to. A girl thought it would be funny to approach me and pretend she was the girl I was seeing, and that I was cheating on her. My girlfriend believed her and broke up with me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2009 at 1:59am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, it was my boyfriend and my six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I know he loves me the same. So I got him a really nice gift, a watch he's had his eye on for as long as I've known him. It was expensive. What does he get me? A condom. Three actually. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2009 at 12:57am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was helping my friend with her little sister's birthday party. We were playing a game where you get up and switch seats if you've done a certain thing. One girl said to switch if you've kissed a boy. I watched as 18 12-year-olds switched seats with each other. I stayed sitting. I'm 17. FML

by neverbeenkissed / 07/03/2009 at 4:09pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I went to the gym to lift weights because my arm muscles are pathetic. In order to use a machine, I needed to pull out a knob to adjust the seat setting. After an embarassing struggle, a worker came over and helped me. Turns out I'm not even strong enough to adjust the seat settings. FML

by Heethersays / 07/02/2009 at 11:06pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a bike ride to enjoy the weather and stopped for a break on the sidewalk of an overpass, taking in the view of the beautiful hills. I was approached by a cop, who said to me: "Ma'am, I know your life is crap right now, but I'm sure it'll get better. Please don't jump." FML

by Liz / 07/01/2009 at 1:41pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I got two viruses on my laptop. One was a fake anti-spyware program that cluttered the screen with pop-ups. The other opened explorer repeatedly, each time to a generic porn site. This all conveniently happened at work, on a projector and during a meeting. FML

by Robert / 07/01/2009 at 5:37am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I learned that shaving my unibrow while drunk/high was a terrible idea. I also learned that one brow looks better than no brow. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2009 at 2:37am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous