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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML

#256186
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63979) - you deserved it (2935)

On 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm - intimacy - by danesy - United States (New York)

Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

#253900
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77049) - you deserved it (7513)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by missy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5-year old for a few seconds. The guy that had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML

#253814
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17602) - you deserved it (40691)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:45pm - work - by ADH2000 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking to my mom about who I wanted to ask to prom. I told her the names of the girls I was thinking of asking and she replied, "They'll say no, but you can always go with one of your cousins." FML

#252783
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56572) - you deserved it (2702)

On 03/09/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by Tony (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom called and told me I got accepted to my first-choice college. I got really excited and asked her to read me the letter. As she started to read it, she said, "Oops... uh, nevermind." FML

#252648
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66779) - you deserved it (2347)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:48pm - misc - by stillwaiting (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to do a load of laundry. Two minutes into the cycle, I realized that I left my iPod in my sweatpants pocket. The washing machine door locks automatically and cannot be opened until the 40-minute cycle is up. FML

Today, I went to an Honors Convocation for my school. I received a letter a few weeks earlier telling me I received an award. Surprised and proud, I invited my family to join me to see what award I was receiving. I couldn't find my name in the program. I was invited by mistake. FML

#247185
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47265) - you deserved it (2279)

On 03/08/2009 at 10:48pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML

#243241
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36638) - you deserved it (10790)

On 03/08/2009 at 4:35pm - misc - by fashionVictim (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

#242557
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49388) - you deserved it (9582)

On 03/08/2009 at 3:08pm - kids - by nutsucker (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I forgot my cell phone I decided to try and hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML

#238492
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24478) - you deserved it (51021)

On 03/07/2009 at 11:03pm - misc - by GrLifeusx (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend sent me an instant message, telling me how excited she was that she was accepted to a FIT Summer Program. I told her I was so proud, and that she can finally lose that excess weight. She told me that she meant Fashion Institute of Technology. FML

#233851
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13002) - you deserved it (61499)

On 03/07/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, at a hard rock concert, a bunch of guys accidentally knocked down a port-a-potty while moshing. I was inside that port-a-potty. FML

#231694
155 comments

Today, I was getting restless in my psychology class. I stretched out both of my arms and hands into the aisles on either side of me, only to find myself with my teacher's package in my palm. FML

#221639
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42913) - you deserved it (9376)

On 03/05/2009 at 9:29pm - misc - by dizzlewizzle - United States (New York)



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