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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I got a phone call from a detective in response to my stolen car that has been missing since St. Patrick's Day. He told me that he had found my car, but was chuckling the whole time. Turns out, I had parked my car in a different lot. I haven't had it for a week. It was never stolen. FML

#555809
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13469) - you deserved it (86090)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:37pm - misc - by Blondie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing he replied "well I was looking for your boobs but apparently you have none" FML

#544318
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94162) - you deserved it (8197)

On 03/22/2009 at 11:18pm - intimacy - by tinytitty (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was with my girlfriend and she was making me listen to one of her recordings for chorus. As I was listening to it a solo came on, and i turned to her and said "This is the worst F*ing solo I've ever heard in my life." Little did I know, it was her solo. FML

#539195
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13164) - you deserved it (78759)

On 03/22/2009 at 8:38pm - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was cutting a bagel, only to slice the back of my hand with the knife. As I grabbed paper towels to clean up the blood, I noticed that the bagel was pre-sliced. FML

#531777
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28245) - you deserved it (76184)

On 03/22/2009 at 2:43pm - health - by IHateBagels (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got my laptop back after sending it to Dell to repair water damage after a night of partying. Dell returned my computer unrepaired, saying it was unfixable. When I called to ask why they couldn't fix it, they told me it was a biohazard. Someone got drunk and pissed on my laptop. FML

#529692
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52276) - you deserved it (21573)

On 03/22/2009 at 12:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I started stroking the back of his neck with both of my hands. He told me, "Your hands are nice and smooth like my grandmother's." FML

#526932
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95462) - you deserved it (7219)

On 03/22/2009 at 5:05am - intimacy - by trina (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend asked me if she could borrow my laptop and I can pick it up later and I said ok. I stop by her house later and no one answers. The next-door neighbor says that she left to go live with her mom. She lives in Detroit. I live in Maine. FML

#523827
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62463) - you deserved it (9591)

On 03/22/2009 at 12:51am - misc - by Myriam (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at lunch with my grandpa and my sister. My grandpa looks over at my sister and says, "Wow. You're so beautiful." Right after, he turns to me and says, "And you have a nice coat." FML

#517502
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59162) - you deserved it (3720)

On 03/21/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by al0406 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend was really stressed about a guy he works with being a jerk. I told him "if you ignore something long enough, it won't bother you anymore." His response was "I've ignored my herpes for a long time but it still bothers me." We've been having sex for 3 months now. FML

#511174
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (125869) - you deserved it (20332)

On 03/21/2009 at 3:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, as I was getting my mail, I received a free coupon from a baby supply store saying "congratulations on your expectancy." Thinking it was a mistake, I showed my girlfriend, who I am living with. All she had to say was "Surprise!" FML

#492457
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72620) - you deserved it (15612)

On 03/20/2009 at 5:04pm - kids - by daddy-to-be (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boss came back from a 2 week vacation. I was the only one covering for him, and I did an excellent job. It was my chance to get a promotion. I actually improved his sales while he was gone. But the only thing he noticed was that I killed his plant. FML

#492264
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63495) - you deserved it (4495)

On 03/20/2009 at 4:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

#416306
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20315) - you deserved it (69953)

On 03/17/2009 at 4:51pm - misc - by webcammistake (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was swimming in the ocean with my best friend and a giant wave came and knocked off the bottom of my bikini. My friend told me that she would go get another bottom so I could walk onto the very crowded beach. She left me for half an hour, laughing from the shore with her entire family. FML

#397272
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81575) - you deserved it (5659)

On 03/16/2009 at 9:04pm - misc - by paymeinhugs - United States (New York)



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