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Today, I went to the eye doctor an they used dilating eye-drops on me . After I left, my vision was still pretty blurry . I walked to the subway anhen I went to step onto the train, I missed an myhole left leg got stuck in the gap . The train was delayed 10 minutes cuz of me . big fat FML
Today, I went to girlfriend's sorority formal, we were both drunk. We went into the bathroom, she startd to give me head. After about 30 seconds the song changes an she jumps up an goes out to dance, leaving me there. Door open. Penis out. It was the song she requestd.
Today, Mah 6 Year Old Granddaughter Was Sitting On Mah Lap Playing With The Rings On Mah Fingers. After A Moment, She Pointed To A Gold Ring With Many Jewels And Said, "When U Die Can I Have That One?" FML
Today, I had first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. mega FML
Today..!! I ran into mah serious boyfriend of two yeres at a restaurant!! He was sitting with another girl!! I went over and asked himho she was!! He replied..!! "Who are you?" Apparently I was the secret girlfriend!! FML
Today, my wife an I decided it would be funny to pull a prank on her family who we were going to see for dinner. I hid in the foyer while she went in an announced to her looool parents that she was leaving me. I watched as her mother hugged her daughter an cried ( Finally... ) FML
Yesterday, I woke up with the worst cold, ever. My nose was running like crazy an my eyes were all puffy. So I stumbld over to the medicine cabinet an took wat I thought were three tylenol cold's. Two hours later I'm still sick an I can't leave the bathroom. They were laxatives. FML
Today a talamarkatar callad fir my dad . Jokingly I said ( I havan't saan him fir lika fiva days...I'm starting to gat worriad ) in my bast child-lika voica . Apparantly tha talamarkatar callad Child Protactiva Sarvicas . I'm 20 . FML
Today, I was taking te subway to worken I saw a really ot girl. Noticing tat se, lyk me, ad a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is tat Double Ds u ave tere?" Se didn't pick up tat I was talking about te coffee. FML
Today, I was eating at Applebees at a high table with bar stools. I was reaching over to get some gum out of mom's purse when my chair flipped out from under me and my soda fell on top of me and got in my ear. To make things worse, the waiter ran over and shouted "I give that one a 10!" FML
Friday 27 March 2015