FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was watching the episode where Spongebob smashes his guitar while playing. I walk into the kitchen to make him a snack, and I hear a loud crash... My nephew smashing my brand new guitar to be like Spongebob. FML

by maxus / 11/19/2009 at 9:37am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad came home from Vegas. Today, my college savings account is down by $64,000. FML

by screwed / 11/18/2009 at 10:31pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I will not be getting my class ring. The jeweler has a policy against doing engravings that contain "obscene or offensive language or phrases". What obscene phrase did I want? My initials and year. W.T.F. 2010. FML

by Grad2010 / 11/18/2009 at 2:41pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, me, a coworker, and my manager were looking at random advertisements. One ad was a picture of three fishes. My coworker named the three fishes what I thought were completely random names. I said "those are stupid names." Turns out those are my manager's kid's names. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2009 at 10:43pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I got a card from the jewelry store thanking me for purchasing an engagement ring a year ago and wishing me and my fiancée a long and everlasting marriage. Too bad my fiancée took off with the pizza delivery boy 6 months ago. FML

by figures / 11/16/2009 at 12:42pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, some obnoxious guys started calling me ugly. I tried to ignore them and be the bigger person. That's pretty hard to do when they start throwing rocks at you. FML

by x0SoReckless0x / 11/16/2009 at 6:39am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

by proteinboy / 11/15/2009 at 10:00pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I asked a girl I like out. She ended up having an asthma attack because she was laughing so hard. I guess that's a no. FML

by asthma_attacker / 11/14/2009 at 1:38pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I went to have my eyebrows waxed for the first time. After signing in the receptionist looked at me and said "Lip wax?". I told her no, my eyebrows. She sat me down and the waxer walked up, took one look at me and said "Lip wax?" FML

by LoserOfTheYear / 11/09/2009 at 5:27pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cheering up the girl I've been in love with for years. She was having one of those, "I'm ugly, no one wants to be with me" days. To cheer herself up, she said to me, "If you were a hot guy, you'd date me, right?" FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2009 at 7:34pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my ex told me she still misses having sex with me. Her next text was "but it's still over." FML

by peacexout108 / 11/08/2009 at 1:16pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, after a trip to my doctor I found out that my recent mood swings and hot flashes are the result of a hormonal imbalance that mimics the effects of menopause. I'm a 17 year old guy. FML

by oldlady / 11/07/2009 at 7:38pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I dyed my hair blonde for my boyfriend, hoping it would help spice up our sex life. His response? It's still a few shades off from his favorite porn star. FML

by Blondegirl / 11/07/2009 at 7:55am / United States (New York) / Intimacy