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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML

#1877566
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55621) - you deserved it (13587)

On 05/12/2009 at 4:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boss in my police dept. told me to start enforcing the "no bikes on sidewalks" law which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with down syndrome who was so upset he cried and peed. FML

#1873623
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70083) - you deserved it (13103)

On 05/12/2009 at 2:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was pulling out of my driveway, and was being aware of the flowers I had just planted. I moved my head to look out my window as not to hit them, not realizing my window was up. I then hit my head break my nose and drive over the flowers. FML

#1845735
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20286) - you deserved it (39033)

On 05/11/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by samantha246 - United States (New York)

Today, while working at my tanning salon, a woman came in and I put her in a booth, which are all stand up. After she comes out, I go in to clean it and realize that floor is all wet. I questioned her about it and she replies, "Oh, I peed, that's not a drain?". FML

#1756175
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59730) - you deserved it (2353)

On 05/08/2009 at 7:17pm - work - by lover21 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom and I were watching this movie in which some girls start making out. My mother calls them "sinners" and that they will "burn in hell twice". Then she says "God doesn't like gays". I'm a lesbian. I picked out this movie as a way of coming out. FML

#1734899
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97398) - you deserved it (15423)

On 05/07/2009 at 9:39pm - love - by HidenSeek (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after leaving a bar I fell asleep on the Q train heading home. I awoke at 5am in Coney Island, end of the line, to a cop poking me with his baton. He gave me a ticket for "Subway Vagrancy" even though I have a job and an apartment. He didn't ticket the homeless man next to me covered in piss. FML

#1720755
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47241) - you deserved it (6977)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by sleepyt127 - United States (New York)

Today, I told my students that I would be absent tomorrow because my wife was giving birth. They burst into applause... not to congratulate me on the new baby. FML

#1714959
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46273) - you deserved it (12355)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:50am - kids - by spanishteach (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

#1693218
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71164) - you deserved it (4621)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while masturbating at the computer, I was interrupted by a flash of light out of the corner of my eye. As I turned to face it, I realized I forgot to close the blinds. Standing at the window in the appartment across the street were two girls, one had a camera and was snapping a second shot. FML

#1680929
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15072) - you deserved it (60774)

On 05/05/2009 at 11:41pm - intimacy - by JoeyDizz (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML

#1658004
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25855) - you deserved it (54642)

On 05/05/2009 at 10:17am - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I overheard my mother and sister talking so I stopped to eavesdrop. I recently enlisted in the Marines, and they were talking about what they would do with the money if I died. FML

#1656841
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (164440) - you deserved it (12292)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:22am - money - by Fitz (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my boyfriend I began to cry. Instead of caring, he said "you're getting my bed wet," rolled over, and fell asleep. FML

#1631844
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74700) - you deserved it (5865)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by JessBaby (woman) - United States (New York)



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