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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, after leaving a bar I fell asleep on the Q train heading home. I awoke at 5am in Coney Island, end of the line, to a cop poking me with his baton. He gave me a ticket for "Subway Vagrancy" even though I have a job and an apartment. He didn't ticket the homeless man next to me covered in piss. FML

#1720755
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47003) - you deserved it (6944)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by sleepyt127 - United States (New York)

Today, I told my students that I would be absent tomorrow because my wife was giving birth. They burst into applause... not to congratulate me on the new baby. FML

#1714959
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46238) - you deserved it (12348)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:50am - kids - by spanishteach (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

#1693218
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71111) - you deserved it (4618)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while masturbating at the computer, I was interrupted by a flash of light out of the corner of my eye. As I turned to face it, I realized I forgot to close the blinds. Standing at the window in the appartment across the street were two girls, one had a camera and was snapping a second shot. FML

#1680929
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15056) - you deserved it (60737)

On 05/05/2009 at 11:41pm - intimacy - by JoeyDizz (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML

#1658004
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25832) - you deserved it (54604)

On 05/05/2009 at 10:17am - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I overheard my mother and sister talking so I stopped to eavesdrop. I recently enlisted in the Marines, and they were talking about what they would do with the money if I died. FML

#1656841
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (163779) - you deserved it (12281)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:22am - money - by Fitz (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my boyfriend I began to cry. Instead of caring, he said "you're getting my bed wet," rolled over, and fell asleep. FML

#1631844
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74623) - you deserved it (5860)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by JessBaby (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the eye doctor and they used dilating eye-drops on me. After I left, my vision was still pretty blurry. I walked to the subway and when I went to step onto the train, I missed and my whole left leg got stuck in the gap. The train was delayed 10 minutes because of me. FML

#1617727
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47205) - you deserved it (4699)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:28am - misc - by kraussy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's sorority formal, we were both drunk. We went into the bathroom, she started to give me head. After about 30 seconds the song changes and she jumps up and goes out to dance, leaving me there. Door open. Penis out. It was the song she requested. FML

#1592425
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69287) - you deserved it (18167)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:10pm - intimacy - by Lootz (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 6 year old granddaughter was sitting on my lap playing with the rings on my fingers. After a moment, she pointed to a gold ring with many jewels and said, "When you die can I have that one?" FML

#1579657
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57202) - you deserved it (3821)

On 05/03/2009 at 12:16am - kids - by itswhateverr (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

#1550190
358 comments

I agree, your life sucks (176294) - you deserved it (45569)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I ran into my serious boyfriend of two years at a restaurant. He was sitting with another girl. I went over and asked him who she was. He replied, "Who are you?" Apparently I was the secret girlfriend. FML

#1518935
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70084) - you deserved it (4703)

On 05/01/2009 at 7:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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