FMLs submitted from New York

Today, at my school, we had the opening night of our production in which I act. None of my family or friends came. Basically, after 3 long months of hard work, the only person to "congratulate" to me after the show was the head of the theater department, who just wanted to tell me I was doing it wrong. FML

by drama_queen / 12/04/2009 at 12:40am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finished a 50 page term end thesis essay on the history of Russia. Looking over the final requirements once more, I find I made just a tiny little mistake. It was supposed to be a thesis on "Prussia". The paper's due tomorrow. FML

by WTFFAIL / 12/03/2009 at 4:08am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, me and my girlfriend were riding on my motorcycle. While at a stop light, she started to make these weird noises. Turns out she was having an orgasm. I still can't give her one. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2009 at 3:35pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my very traditional parents told me that I should start a savings account for my marriage. I told them that I wouldn't get married until much later because I don't even have a boyfriend yet. They said, "Don't worry we already found a boy for you." FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2009 at 1:53am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandson asked how old I am and whether I'd seen Mammoths "for real" when I was a kid. FML

by Granmacathy / 11/29/2009 at 2:13am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I got in a hotel elevator. There was a kid in there also. He got off on the 3rd floor. As he was stepping from the elevator, he decided to press every single button. It's a 35 floor hotel. My room is on the 32nd floor. FML

by w0rstdayever / 11/27/2009 at 3:01pm / United States (New York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I complained to my boyfriend that I was stressed out. He asked me then "What do you have to be stressed out about?" I work 50 hours a week and go to school full time. I ask him what was stressful about his day, he told me that his "kill/death ratio went down on Call of Duty". FML

by amy1023 / 11/26/2009 at 5:18am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

by DBR / 11/23/2009 at 5:12pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML

by TheGirl / 11/23/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I went onto the treadmill at my gym. When it prompted me to enter my age I put 27. I'm 29 and am lying about my age to a workout machine. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2009 at 4:54am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

by gbabyy / 11/21/2009 at 10:25pm / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I realized that my girlfriend had never said anything about the proposal ring I had put into a box of her Froot Loops. When I hinted it to her, she said that the cereal had expired, so she threw out the box. FML

by frootloops / 11/21/2009 at 4:44pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was watching the episode where Spongebob smashes his guitar while playing. I walk into the kitchen to make him a snack, and I hear a loud crash... My nephew smashing my brand new guitar to be like Spongebob. FML

by maxus / 11/19/2009 at 9:37am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous