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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color, when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchish popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML

#3178772
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41282) - you deserved it (6832)

On 06/24/2009 at 4:19pm - animals - by spiderinmylips (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML

#3127990
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47068) - you deserved it (10219)

On 06/22/2009 at 7:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a job interview with a person named Chris. The entire time I couldn't figure out if Chris was a man or woman. The interview went as good as it could have went. At the end I said, "Thank you very much sir." Wrong gender. FML

#3117868
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39638) - you deserved it (17267)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:18pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my brother came down to my house, bringing his untrained puppies with him. As we were eating dinner, I dropped part of my sandwich in a liquid that was on the tablecloth. Thinking it was water, I ate it. As I chewed, I realized the liquid wasn't water. My sandwich was dipped in dog urine. FML

#3107259
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37456) - you deserved it (17656)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:04am - animals - by ihatedogs (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to see what websites I go on from my computer while I wasn't home. She clicked the link that gave my computer a virus that I just got rid of a few days ago. FML

#3030585
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42208) - you deserved it (4902)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me. I thought maybe she was sad or I reminded her of someone, and hugged her back. Then she smiled, squeezed my lovehandles, and said "Honk, honk!" FML

#3030449
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39947) - you deserved it (6272)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:48pm - kids - by squeezable (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML

#3030130
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9615) - you deserved it (39966)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:34pm - misc - by crap (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML

#3028643
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53445) - you deserved it (12573)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:32pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I used my inhaler for the first time in a year. As soon as I took a puff I felt something strange go down my throat. Upon closer inspection I discovered there had been a spider living in the mouth of my inhaler... and I had just swallowed it. FML

#3006187
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45213) - you deserved it (7740)

On 06/18/2009 at 7:07pm - health - by asthmatic (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML

#2911637
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43566) - you deserved it (6619)

On 06/15/2009 at 1:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out the identity of the pervert who's been staring at me through my bedroom window in the late hours of the night. My parents and I decided to set out a trap for 'him' instead of reporting to our local cop. Turns out, we caught my 37 year-old neighbor in the act. He's the cop. FML

#2865123
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45180) - you deserved it (2341)

On 06/13/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Meg (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, in the bathroom during the ACTs, my hair got stuck in the electric hand dryer. I had to rip my hair out. For future reference, hair + hand dryer = dreadlocks. FML

#2864467
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33234) - you deserved it (11183)

On 06/13/2009 at 6:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML

#2850957
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67508) - you deserved it (4382)

On 06/13/2009 at 2:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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