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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, my brother came down to my house, bringing his untrained puppies with him. As we were eating dinner, I dropped part of my sandwich in a liquid that was on the tablecloth. Thinking it was water, I ate it. As I chewed, I realized the liquid wasn't water. My sandwich was dipped in dog urine. FML

#3107259
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37375) - you deserved it (17639)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:04am - animals - by ihatedogs (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to see what websites I go on from my computer while I wasn't home. She clicked the link that gave my computer a virus that I just got rid of a few days ago. FML

#3030585
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42126) - you deserved it (4896)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me. I thought maybe she was sad or I reminded her of someone, and hugged her back. Then she smiled, squeezed my lovehandles, and said "Honk, honk!" FML

#3030449
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38864) - you deserved it (6150)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:48pm - kids - by squeezable (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML

#3030130
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9589) - you deserved it (39902)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:34pm - misc - by crap (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML

#3028643
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53355) - you deserved it (12565)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:32pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I used my inhaler for the first time in a year. As soon as I took a puff I felt something strange go down my throat. Upon closer inspection I discovered there had been a spider living in the mouth of my inhaler... and I had just swallowed it. FML

#3006187
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45131) - you deserved it (7733)

On 06/18/2009 at 7:07pm - health - by asthmatic (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML

#2911637
341 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43474) - you deserved it (6615)

On 06/15/2009 at 1:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out the identity of the pervert who's been staring at me through my bedroom window in the late hours of the night. My parents and I decided to set out a trap for 'him' instead of reporting to our local cop. Turns out, we caught my 37 year-old neighbor in the act. He's the cop. FML

#2865123
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45086) - you deserved it (2339)

On 06/13/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Meg (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, in the bathroom during the ACTs, my hair got stuck in the electric hand dryer. I had to rip my hair out. For future reference, hair + hand dryer = dreadlocks. FML

#2864467
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33160) - you deserved it (11161)

On 06/13/2009 at 6:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML

#2850957
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67373) - you deserved it (4378)

On 06/13/2009 at 2:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got into an argument with a 7 year old. He said that Obama was the 44th President, I said he was the 42nd. Guess who was right. FML

#2791177
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9776) - you deserved it (78977)

On 06/11/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by feeldumb - United States (New York)

Today, I was doing the laundry, but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

#2771794
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20093) - you deserved it (55426)

On 06/10/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by potpurri_needed (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML

#2763272
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11230) - you deserved it (55654)

On 06/10/2009 at 12:36am - animals - by FMLTIMESTWO (woman) - United States (New York)



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