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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I was babysitting a little boy. I opened up a new bottle of bubbles and it was all goopy and gross so I said "Eww!". The boy then asks, "What's "ew" mean?". I replied with, "Something gross and yucky". Then he pointed at my face and say "Ew! Ew! Ewwww!". FML

#2658966
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50360) - you deserved it (8083)

On 06/06/2009 at 12:23pm - kids - by EwFace (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML

#2656270
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43948) - you deserved it (11331)

On 06/06/2009 at 10:03am - animals - by imfromtexas02 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I wanted to print out a 100 page game strategy guide using company's printer. While not wanting anyone to find out about this I picked a time where I thought no one would be printing. My CEO ended up standing next to me for 10 minutes waiting for his stuff to print after mine. FML

#2604319
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7911) - you deserved it (66705)

On 06/04/2009 at 5:14pm - work - by Ayeya (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my new subletter moved in. Within 6 hours one of my cats took a dump on her pants. I freaked out, lit some candles to hide the smell and threw her pants in the washer. When the cycle was done I found her cell phone at the bottom of the washing machine. FML

#2529769
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36940) - you deserved it (22137)

On 06/02/2009 at 11:33am - animals - by dumb (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was working as a waitress at this pub. It was dead. After 4 hours I had only made 5$ in tips. A friendly couple came in and complimented EVERYTHING down to the freshness of the lemons in their tea. The bill came to $50. They left me a $5 gift card to starbucks. I don't drink coffee. FML

#2501090
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43485) - you deserved it (6928)

On 06/01/2009 at 2:49pm - misc - by Kitty (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

#2496205
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58026) - you deserved it (6703)

On 06/01/2009 at 10:06am - intimacy - by TeeJay (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

#2459150
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22207) - you deserved it (74773)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)

Today, I drove two and a half hours to a job interview. The interviewer never showed up or called. I sat in the hotel lobby waiting for an hour and a half. Even the hotel staff said they felt sorry for me. FML

#2451149
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47489) - you deserved it (2264)

On 05/31/2009 at 12:06am - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was partnered with this really sexy guy for an audition. He says, "Am I really stuck with you? I can't even stand being seen with you in public!" I start cursing him out really loud, but then I realize that he's only reading the script. Everyone was staring, and he called me a crazy bitch. FML

#2445222
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11259) - you deserved it (63198)

On 05/30/2009 at 9:13pm - misc - by jazzyfizzle (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

#2401782
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59727) - you deserved it (13430)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by FMLFMLFMLFML (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a Bo Bice concert for her birthday. She loves him so I bought us second row seats. After we got there we ran into some friends of hers sitting way back in the lawn section, and of course she wanted to sit with them. I paid $300 to sit on the grass and watch Bo Bice. FML

#2398293
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46112) - you deserved it (4338)

On 05/29/2009 at 9:54am - misc - by roark0806 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML

#2387828
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61302) - you deserved it (5009)

On 05/28/2009 at 9:32pm - misc - by Jeanine (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my cell phone service was interrupted because I owed the company 27 cents. It cost 36 dollars to reinstate my service. FML

#2373894
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41203) - you deserved it (9866)

On 05/28/2009 at 2:17pm - money - by Princess (woman) - United States (New York)



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