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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. My doctor said it was okay to eat, so, I had some mashed potatoes. Apparently, my body disagreed with the doctor, because I threw up. Because my face was so swollen, it didn't make it out my mouth. It went through my nose instead. I literally blew chunks. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Everything was going great until I noticed a small blinking light on my shelf. It turns out that it was a camera. My mom put it there to make sure I cleaned my room. She saw the whole thing. FML

#3215628
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61590) - you deserved it (9639)

On 06/25/2009 at 9:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I rushed home to tell my parents my girlfriend had accepted my proposal. They asked how I could be so selfish at a time like this. Apparently, Michael Jackson's death is more important than their son. FML

#3215431
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73062) - you deserved it (6313)

On 06/25/2009 at 8:56pm - love - by Tom (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a man from across the bar looked at me, pointed and said "MMMM, now THAT'S what I want." Offended, I confronted him to tell him I felt disrespected by him referring to me as 'that.' Turns out, he was pointing to the cheeseburger that the waitress behind me was holding. FML

#3207730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7842) - you deserved it (47994)

On 06/25/2009 at 6:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

#3192725
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82842) - you deserved it (14156)

On 06/25/2009 at 12:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color, when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchish popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML

#3178772
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40202) - you deserved it (6694)

On 06/24/2009 at 4:19pm - animals - by spiderinmylips (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML

#3127990
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46811) - you deserved it (10166)

On 06/22/2009 at 7:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a job interview with a person named Chris. The entire time I couldn't figure out if Chris was a man or woman. The interview went as good as it could have went. At the end I said, "Thank you very much sir." Wrong gender. FML

#3117868
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39424) - you deserved it (17215)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:18pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my brother came down to my house, bringing his untrained puppies with him. As we were eating dinner, I dropped part of my sandwich in a liquid that was on the tablecloth. Thinking it was water, I ate it. As I chewed, I realized the liquid wasn't water. My sandwich was dipped in dog urine. FML

#3107259
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37241) - you deserved it (17601)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:04am - animals - by ihatedogs (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to see what websites I go on from my computer while I wasn't home. She clicked the link that gave my computer a virus that I just got rid of a few days ago. FML

#3030585
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41963) - you deserved it (4885)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me. I thought maybe she was sad or I reminded her of someone, and hugged her back. Then she smiled, squeezed my lovehandles, and said "Honk, honk!" FML

#3030449
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38743) - you deserved it (6140)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:48pm - kids - by squeezable (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML

#3030130
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9532) - you deserved it (39775)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:34pm - misc - by crap (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML

#3028643
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52601) - you deserved it (12385)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:32pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



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