FMLs submitted from New York

Today, after months of job hunting, I got a call back for a position. I was outside at the time and had no pen or paper available to write the address down. I told the guy to call me back in 5 minutes and he agreed. It's been 3 hours and still no call. FML

by noluckwhatsoever / 01/06/2010 at 11:44am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I picked the treadmill next to an old man so I could feel better about myself. He ran faster and longer than I did. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2010 at 3:16pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I had a large pimple on my temple. I decided to try the whole "put toothpaste on the zit to make it dry up" technique that all the magazines say to do. Not only is my pimple still there, but the toothpaste irritated my skin and my already large pimple now appears three times bigger. FML

by Zit-Blues / 01/04/2010 at 8:50am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight about a clogged toilet. He was yelling about not having enough money to buy a better plunger and so I stormed out to buy one myself. While pulling his truck into traffic, a car hit me causing $1000 in damage. FML

by brokeandsad / 01/03/2010 at 3:21pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I was making myself lunch. I love cooking, and often, I pretend I'm on the Food Network. I started to slice some tomatoes rapidly, which, turns out, was a big mistake; I sliced my thumb open. FML

by PWI_addict / 01/03/2010 at 12:11pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML

by xxxzzzooo / 01/02/2010 at 12:22pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my 4 year old daughter was looking at a magazine cover with a well endowed model showing off her clevage. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, when I grow up will I have big round boobies like her or tiny pointy ones like you?" FML

by andy / 01/01/2010 at 9:12am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

by lifesux / 12/31/2009 at 12:33pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, the instructions on my new IKEA bed made me cry. It includes a picture of a person working alone with a frown crossed out and is replaced by two smiling people working together. I have no one in my life to help me. FML

by hatelife / 12/30/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I got a phone call from my cheating ex asking if I would go out with him that night. After 3 years of no contact, I decided to give him another chance and gave him my address for his GPS. I was then told that I lived too far and he didn't want to drive. He cancelled. I live 15 minutes away. FML

by SherryBaby / 12/29/2009 at 2:41am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I had fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2009 at 12:11am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my boyfriend of a month and I had sex for the first time. We started in the shower and then moved to his bedroom. He then feel asleep when I was on top. FML

by disapointed girl / 12/28/2009 at 11:58am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML

by Dontworryaboutit / 12/28/2009 at 5:16am / United States (New York) / Intimacy