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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I finally figured out why my 5 year old daughter washes her hair everyday. It's because she doesn't want to have "yucky greasy" hair like her mommy. FML

#5108353
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14362) - you deserved it (43169)

On 09/07/2009 at 4:25pm - kids - by greasyhair (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband asked me for permission to have an affair with his hot secretary. FML

#5086077
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73404) - you deserved it (6317)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:35pm - love - by mandinga (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML

#5085622
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34427) - you deserved it (11447)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by M.L. (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

#5055493
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27062) - you deserved it (16459)

On 09/05/2009 at 3:22am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML

#5050946
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15415) - you deserved it (45367)

On 09/04/2009 at 11:07pm - misc - by flexibleflatulance (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a carnival. While walking around with my cousin, I saw a one hundred dollar bill on the ground. Just before I stepped on it, a man grabbed it. His words? "Don't you just hate it when that happens?" And he walked away. FML

#5041996
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42013) - you deserved it (5289)

On 09/04/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by bubblezzz123 - United States (New York)

Today, my fiancé, his mother, my father and I went out to celebrate my birthday and our recent engagement. After dinner, my father and future mother-in-law revealed to us that they had secretly been dating and were talking about also getting married. Anybody want cake? FML

#4996665
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47969) - you deserved it (2831)

On 09/02/2009 at 10:47am - love - by BDayssuck (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I received a text message from my favorite sister saying "Great news! The technology in condoms has improved so much that they ensure that accidents like you won't ever happen again!" Today's my birthday. FML

#4978107
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44710) - you deserved it (8287)

On 09/01/2009 at 3:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at my only sister's wedding. She gave a speech about the person who means the most to her. She said, "She is my favorite sister who has always been there for me." Being her only sister, I got up to hug her. Turns out she was talking about her slutty sorority sister. Not me. FML

#4952830
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51017) - you deserved it (3436)

On 08/31/2009 at 1:21pm - misc - by ohsugarxo (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I received official notification that my license was being suspended for multiple DUIs. Apparently, my brother is a drunk and has been using my ID. FML

#4944535
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43460) - you deserved it (2652)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by Notabum (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML

#4929895
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12873) - you deserved it (34495)

On 08/30/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by pootythe5th (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML

#4922753
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8829) - you deserved it (58793)

On 08/30/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by rydawg79 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I left for college. I spent hundreds of dollars on clothes, bedding and other things. After packing my entire closet and everything else I needed, I left only to have to head back home. My dad forgot to pay the first semesters tuition. He said "Oh well, you would have failed out anyway." FML

#4891405
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50616) - you deserved it (3341)

On 08/28/2009 at 8:59pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

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