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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I tried to help a large, elderly nun who had slipped. She was stuck and wedged in on a concrete ramp. So I stood facing her, feet braced against hers, and pulled. Not only did I drop her, but I got a wicked view of her panties and crotch. I'm sure I'm going to hell. FML

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

#5190097
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38069) - you deserved it (6643)

On 09/11/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by fall3nrain (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that on Wednesday, when I have 2 exams, I'm called to testify in court. If I go to court, I cannot make the exams. If I take the exams, I'll be held in contempt and arrested. FML

#5182351
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41139) - you deserved it (5350)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by livin (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I applied for a passport. I was told the first set of photos I took were unusable because my face, particularly my chin, didn't fit inside the designated area for your face in the picture. My chin did fit in the frame, my double chin however, did not. FML

#5146235
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15499) - you deserved it (39787)

On 09/09/2009 at 9:37am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was listening to my iPod while changing the diaper on my baby. One earbud fell out of my ear and onto the changing table so I quickly picked it up without looking and put it back in my ear, only to realize the headphone had fallen onto more than a table. I now have brown earphones. FML

#5128591
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13697) - you deserved it (43163)

On 09/08/2009 at 3:32pm - misc - by NoMoreHeadphones (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I stepped on the MacBook Air I purchased 4 days ago. The screen snapped in two, and I didn't buy insurance because I promised myself I would be "extra careful." $3500 well spent. FML

#5121901
351 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11566) - you deserved it (63983)

On 09/08/2009 at 2:31am - money - by AyDiosMio42 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally figured out why my 5 year old daughter washes her hair everyday. It's because she doesn't want to have "yucky greasy" hair like her mommy. FML

#5108353
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14338) - you deserved it (43119)

On 09/07/2009 at 4:25pm - kids - by greasyhair (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband asked me for permission to have an affair with his hot secretary. FML

#5086077
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73139) - you deserved it (6296)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:35pm - love - by mandinga (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML

#5085622
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34366) - you deserved it (11432)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by M.L. (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

#5055493
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27001) - you deserved it (16452)

On 09/05/2009 at 3:22am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML

#5050946
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15388) - you deserved it (45317)

On 09/04/2009 at 11:07pm - misc - by flexibleflatulance (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a carnival. While walking around with my cousin, I saw a one hundred dollar bill on the ground. Just before I stepped on it, a man grabbed it. His words? "Don't you just hate it when that happens?" And he walked away. FML

#5041996
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40051) - you deserved it (5076)

On 09/04/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by bubblezzz123 - United States (New York)

Today, my fiancé, his mother, my father and I went out to celebrate my birthday and our recent engagement. After dinner, my father and future mother-in-law revealed to us that they had secretly been dating and were talking about also getting married. Anybody want cake? FML

#4996665
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45710) - you deserved it (2645)

On 09/02/2009 at 10:47am - love - by BDayssuck (woman) - United States (New York)



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