FMLs submitted from New York

Today, the small plane I was on almost crashed, all because the pilot's girlfriend figured out mid-flight that he's been cheating on her, causing her to start screaming abuse and furiously beating him. FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2015 at 12:32am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, while I was working at a supermarket, a kid started to cry in line because he couldn't get candy. Since we have free lollipops behind the desk, I gave him one. His mom complained to my manager and said I was grooming her child. FML

by ilovekids? / 12/11/2015 at 9:05pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I realized that I know, all too well, what it feels like to have my over-middle-age boss's boob on my shoulder. FML

by WeightonmyShoulders / 12/11/2015 at 4:10pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my school's theater production was canceled. Not because of budget, but because my co-star fell in love with me and asked me out. When I pointedly declined, he refused to act alongside me since it was "awkward." Everyone's blaming me for it. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2015 at 11:34am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was in a play and had a battle scene. I got a little too into it and wound up twisting my ankle. The audience was treated to me screaming like a little girl before face-planting the stage a moment later. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2015 at 10:28am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I noticed that the eye drops I have been using 3 times a day for the past week expired when the Jonas Brothers were popular. FML

by clkoko / 11/26/2015 at 9:47pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML

by ashamed / 11/25/2015 at 10:50am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, we buried my mom. I walked past my sister's husband just in time to hear him mutter: "Hope the fire's nice and hot down there, you old hag." I told my sister. She wouldn't believe me and accused me of trying to start drama. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2015 at 12:45am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, at school, I was asked to play a complex piano piece in front of my class, teachers and guests. I nailed it, but what stood out most for everyone was how I apparently looked like I was being possessed while performing. FML

by auto boogie man / 11/19/2015 at 11:44am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was suffering from acid reflux. I was told that drinking water laced with baking soda would help. Nope, all it did was create a huge belch that made me vomit all over myself. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2015 at 1:26pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I've been robbed. I came home to find my oven door missing. FML

by racello13 / 11/02/2015 at 10:26am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I knocked a girl lightly in the head with a prop at a costume party. I apologized profusely to the drama queen as she walked away blinking and holding her head. My boyfriend then told me that she had recently had brain surgery and it was hard for her to even leave the house. FML

by WildChildRocker / 10/28/2015 at 1:00pm / United States (New York) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after six weeks of dealing with various exterminators, my roommate and I were about to toast to what we were told was a wasp-free room. That's when we noticed several much smaller wasps flying around. Not only is our wasp problem not solved, but our room is a wasp breeding ground. FML

by OhWait / 10/22/2015 at 8:18pm / United States (New York) / Animals