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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, my best friend, the man who I've been in love with for nine years, finally told me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Unfortunately, it was while he was using me to practice proposing to his girlfriend. FML

#5269441
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50681) - you deserved it (8043)

On 09/15/2009 at 6:53am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found some charges on my credit card for two round trip tickets to Las Vegas. Turns out my daughter and her stoner, unemployed boyfriend stole my credit card and flew to Vegas over the weekend to get married. I paid for my daughter's elopement. FML

#5235406
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38848) - you deserved it (3720)

On 09/13/2009 at 7:10pm - kids - by Broeman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend while looking at halloween costumes online for this years halloween party and said, "Maybe we could go as Bonnie and Clyde this year." He said, "Maybe we should go as a broken up couple," and hung up on me. He wasn't kidding. FML

#5217172
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35571) - you deserved it (3417)

On 09/12/2009 at 10:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I threw an elaborate surprise birthday party for my boyfriend of four years. He thought we were going to a quiet dinner but when we arrived, thirty of his friends jumped out and surprised him. Instead of kissing me to thank me, he broke up with me because of how easily I had lied to him. FML

#5205782
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47987) - you deserved it (4208)

On 09/12/2009 at 12:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I tried to help a large, elderly nun who had slipped. She was stuck and wedged in on a concrete ramp. So I stood facing her, feet braced against hers, and pulled. Not only did I drop her, but I got a wicked view of her panties and crotch. I'm sure I'm going to hell. FML

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

#5190097
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37171) - you deserved it (6531)

On 09/11/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by fall3nrain (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that on Wednesday, when I have 2 exams, I'm called to testify in court. If I go to court, I cannot make the exams. If I take the exams, I'll be held in contempt and arrested. FML

#5182351
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41013) - you deserved it (5346)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by livin (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I applied for a passport. I was told the first set of photos I took were unusable because my face, particularly my chin, didn't fit inside the designated area for your face in the picture. My chin did fit in the frame, my double chin however, did not. FML

#5146235
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15421) - you deserved it (39713)

On 09/09/2009 at 9:37am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was listening to my iPod while changing the diaper on my baby. One earbud fell out of my ear and onto the changing table so I quickly picked it up without looking and put it back in my ear, only to realize the headphone had fallen onto more than a table. I now have brown earphones. FML

#5128591
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13657) - you deserved it (43078)

On 09/08/2009 at 3:32pm - misc - by NoMoreHeadphones (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I stepped on the MacBook Air I purchased 4 days ago. The screen snapped in two, and I didn't buy insurance because I promised myself I would be "extra careful." $3500 well spent. FML

#5121901
352 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11520) - you deserved it (63855)

On 09/08/2009 at 2:31am - money - by AyDiosMio42 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally figured out why my 5 year old daughter washes her hair everyday. It's because she doesn't want to have "yucky greasy" hair like her mommy. FML

#5108353
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14284) - you deserved it (43002)

On 09/07/2009 at 4:25pm - kids - by greasyhair (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband asked me for permission to have an affair with his hot secretary. FML

#5086077
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70719) - you deserved it (6056)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:35pm - love - by mandinga (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML

#5085622
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34079) - you deserved it (11312)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by M.L. (man) - United States (New York)



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