FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I let my dog outside so he could pee. After an hour, I let him back in. He just wanted to come inside to pee on the floor. FML

by Rich / 05/19/2010 at 4:43pm / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I finally worked up the courage to talk to this hot guy in my law school contracts class. His response? "I'm no fashion expert, but I don't think you're supposed to wear purple underwear with white pants. Not that it matters, though, because your zipper is wide open." FML

by Dana422 / 05/18/2010 at 1:22am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I learned that, since getting my tongue ring, it has become imprudent to test 9-volt batteries with my tongue. FML

by Zapped / 05/17/2010 at 7:09am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I am severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

by prettybich / 05/15/2010 at 2:01pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend left me for my best friend. Over a text message with "lol" in it. FML

by schwange / 05/15/2010 at 1:07pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store, holding hands with his very pregnant girlfriend. They were buying baby supplies. We had a very nasty and painful breakup not even three months ago. FML

by YouAREthefather / 03/18/2010 at 12:48pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, after a fire alarm went off, everyone was going back into the building. I had never gone up the stairs before because I live on the 9th floor. As everybody was going back inside, I followed some guys right into their suite on the 1st floor, thinking it was the way to the stairs. FML

by rawrrrr / 03/17/2010 at 12:01am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend ran accidentally head-first into my face and left me with a giant black eye. My mother is convinced I had a seizure in a park somewhere and won't listen when I tell her she's wrong, and everyone else thinks my boyfriend is abusive. FML

by el211 / 03/15/2010 at 3:35am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2010 at 1:41am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into a subway car which was empty except for this sleeping hobo. Three stops later, the guy wakes up and starts peeing in the corner. I ignore it thinking he'll go back to sleep. Silly me, I didn't realize that he would start running towards me, still peeing. FML

by CreepedOut / 03/09/2010 at 1:31am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed: standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my brand new car. FML

by Coldflame / 03/06/2010 at 10:22am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend in her room. That means: Jonas Brothers posters on the wall, Jonas Brothers pillows, sheets, comforter and stuffed dog. After we did it, she apologized to her posters for having to see that, since they're pure. FML

by ICantBelieveThis / 03/06/2010 at 9:31am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML

by Grossed_out / 03/04/2010 at 10:51pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous