Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from New York

Today, my sister had her first kiss. She was very excited and she told me all about it. She then asked me to tell her about the first time I kissed a guy, what it was like, who it was with, etc. I had to make one up. I have never been kissed before. My sister is 6 years younger than me. FML

#6083113
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34793) - you deserved it (5527)

On 10/31/2009 at 11:59am - misc - by Okay (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I learned there is a taste difference between grabbing a glass of milk that has been sitting on your night table for a week and the one you put on there 3 minutes before. FML

#6050287
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6270) - you deserved it (55967)

On 10/29/2009 at 1:16am - misc - by GlassJAwkidE (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, the door to my daughter's room became jammed and wouldn't open while she was in the room. Being resourceful, I grabbed my ladder and climbed up to her window, only to end up stuck in her window. I'm not sure what was worse, getting stuck, or being laughed at by my neighbors for a while. FML

#6018223
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21050) - you deserved it (7819)

On 10/27/2009 at 12:45am - kids - by Chub (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I arrived at work and was immediately given a disciplinary write-up for being two hours late for my shift. Apparently the manager had changed my schedule that morning and failed to tell me. FML

#6017534
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28577) - you deserved it (1624)

On 10/27/2009 at 12:04am - work - by hatemyjob (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out of the outlet and it hit me in the face cutting both my top and bottom lip. FML

#5980515
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9165) - you deserved it (30847)

On 10/24/2009 at 8:41pm - work - by Clutz (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered that when you're the maid of honor giving a toast at your best friend's wedding, it's important to make sure the zipper on your dress is secured. Otherwise, your bare breasts and Hello Kitty panties could end up exposed to a wedding party of 600 people. FML

#5973387
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40022) - you deserved it (8099)

On 10/24/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by meg265 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, the driver side mirror of my car was smashed off and laying on the ground. On the window was a $75.00 ticket for improper equipment for not having a mirror. FML

#5923443
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28334) - you deserved it (1661)

On 10/21/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Timebaseboy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boss was angry at me because I had filed a complaint about him refusing to change our phone service to something more reliable. Later, a customer called him and said I had hung up on him. I got fired. I didn't hang up on the customer, the phone service just dropped the call. FML

#5914155
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36268) - you deserved it (2300)

On 10/20/2009 at 3:35pm - work - by ShayanFCB (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I drove 100 miles from my parents house to mine. I had only a few miles left when I realized I really had to pee. I didn't want to pull over somewhere when I was so close to home, so I sped up. A cop pulled me over a block from my house. I started to sob, and ended up peeing myself. FML

#5897167
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32331) - you deserved it (13794)

On 10/19/2009 at 3:16pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

#5851325
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20140) - you deserved it (3577)

On 10/16/2009 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by damnit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who has ever wished that I had a good day, or wished that I had anything pleasant for that matter, is Charlie Gibson on World News Tonight. FML

#5832745
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19732) - you deserved it (3044)

On 10/14/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by newscomes (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while working as a plain clothes police officer, I witnessed a fight in a front yard. My partner and I intervened and clearly identified ourselves as police. Unfortunately, the two guys' mother didn't have her hearing aid in, and hit my arm with a baseball bat. FML

#5792064
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30823) - you deserved it (3991)

On 10/12/2009 at 4:38am - work - by Undercover (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized I've been acting very paranoid lately. I was mugged a few weeks ago, so I've been nervous. I've been holding my hands in my pockets and looking around on my way outside from work. Apparently, that's grounds to arrest someone under suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon. FML

#5773283
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32004) - you deserved it (2859)

On 10/11/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by PackingSpaceHeat (man) - United States (New York)



Ronald Grandpey's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Ronald Grandpey's illustrated FML
  • Hello everyone, how's it going? You doing OK? Friday is the right time to get your glad rags on, go out, meet your friends, have a drink, get your freak on, shoot the breeze, shoot some hoops, don't shoot…

Friday 30 January 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: