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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I felt like too much of a loser to go to a Christmas party, since I'd be the only one going without a date. I had to invent imaginary friends who were "coming into town for the holidays" to feel like less of a loser. FML

#6788841
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23981) - you deserved it (9287)

On 12/17/2009 at 2:25am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, we had company over, and after dinner, I saw a package of gumballs sitting on the table. Figuring my brother had brought them, I took one and bit it. I got a bunch of weird looks. Turns out wasn't a gumball - it was a mini paintball. FML

#6768008
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7895) - you deserved it (25559)

On 12/15/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by BlueMouth (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML

#6731473
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26651) - you deserved it (5772)

On 12/13/2009 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friends and I went to court. We are all college students, and for next semester, we will be on probation and have to do 8 hours of community service, as well as a $25 fine each. All for swinging on swings in the park after dark. FML

Today, I received my camera in the mail. I had sent it back to the company because it wouldn't turn on. As I was reading the note they put in, it said, "Battery was put in backwards. No other problems found." FML

#6680274
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6309) - you deserved it (43694)

On 12/09/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by her0x3her0ine617 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I used the bathroom that the high school shares with elementary kids. As I was pulling my pants down, my phone fell out of my pocket into the other stall. As I was reaching for it, the little girl in the other stall took it and ran away. FML

#6666980
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34779) - you deserved it (4343)

On 12/08/2009 at 5:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in line, the woman behind me said that buying coloring books was a good idea to keep my kids occupied. I smiled and said that it would give me a few minutes to relax. I am a 26 year old guy with no kids. The coloring books were for me. FML

#6664600
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16919) - you deserved it (35396)

On 12/08/2009 at 1:06pm - kids - by 2old4thiscrap (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML

#6656855
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21495) - you deserved it (5273)

On 12/07/2009 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by niquey62307 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I gave a speech at a charity event in part to help with my shyness. Nobody told me I was standing on top of an air vent. It went on. My skirt flew up, revealing my underwear to 90 people. Nobody remembers the content of my speech. FML

#6619403
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29004) - you deserved it (3567)

On 12/05/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by paula434 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at my school, we had the opening night of our production in which I act. None of my family or friends came. Basically, after 3 long months of hard work, the only person to "congratulate" to me after the show was the head of the theater department, who just wanted to tell me I was doing it wrong. FML

#6594222
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25191) - you deserved it (3572)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by drama_queen (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I finished a 50 page term end thesis essay on the history of Russia. Looking over the final requirements once more, I find I made just a tiny little mistake. It was supposed to be a thesis on "Prussia". The paper's due tomorrow. FML

#6580357
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29187) - you deserved it (36546)

On 12/03/2009 at 4:08am - work - by WTFFAIL (man) - United States (New York)

Today, me and my girlfriend were riding on my motorcycle. While at a stop light, she started to make these weird noises. Turns out she was having an orgasm. I still can't give her one. FML

#6534520
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25762) - you deserved it (5608)

On 11/30/2009 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my very traditional parents told me that I should start a savings account for my marriage. I told them that I wouldn't get married until much later because I don't even have a boyfriend yet. They said, "Don't worry we already found a boy for you." FML

#6527695
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36589) - you deserved it (3588)

On 11/30/2009 at 1:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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