FMLs submitted from New York

Today, my roommate let me know he "bumped" another car with mine. What he really meant was that I need a new rear quarter panel and the very angry BMW driver he hit has all of my information. FML

by Ah piss / 09/15/2010 at 12:52pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I got a brand new couch. My husband told me to keep our puppy off of it so we could keep it nice. She jumped on it, and as I picked her up to put her back on the floor, her claws dragged across it and ripped 2 of the cushions. FML

by miss Suzanne / 09/14/2010 at 5:46pm / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I noticed I give myself pep-talks when I'm lonely. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2010 at 10:31pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up very excited because I was going on my first date with this guy I really liked. I dressed very nicely and went to where we were supposed to meet. I waited for about 2 hours. I called him to ask him where he was. He got angry because he was still sleeping and I woke him up. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2010 at 12:47am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, at school, everybody wanted to be my partner for a project. This surprised me because nobody ever wants to be with me. Turns out when I was absent, my teacher promised that whoever was my partner would get extra points on the project. FML

by anonymous / 09/10/2010 at 2:09pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck while I was on my computer working. Out of my wallet she took a fifty dollar bill. The ice cream man got a big tip before driving off. FML

by BrokebyKids / 09/06/2010 at 4:26pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my doctor told me I had "abnormally large breasts." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a 20 year old man. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2010 at 8:29pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was talking to my crush on MSN. She was telling me how her friend had passed away recently. I had two chats open and accidentally replied, "That's hilarious." FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2010 at 4:51pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

by Jesska / 09/03/2010 at 3:59pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, while getting on the subway, I tripped over the gap between the train and the platform. My flip-flop caught on the edge, and fell into the gap. I had to walk home with one flip-flop. FML

by grossfoot / 08/31/2010 at 2:14am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend told everyone I queef during sex. Even his parents are calling me "Cooter Pooter." FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2010 at 2:02am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend was talking with his friends about how long girls take to get ready (hair, make-up, etc.). I said, "I never spend a long time getting ready..." He then looked at me and said, "maybe you should." FML

by ILoveFML / 08/29/2010 at 10:14am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I decided to wear string panties. While in line at the mall, they became untied. I was wearing a skirt. FML

by wearingshorts / 08/28/2010 at 12:54am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous