FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He went outside for a "breather" and never came back. FML

by Alisha Marie / 08/04/2010 at 12:20am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML

by fatty / 08/03/2010 at 6:37pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, at 2 am on a Saturday, I purposely updated my Facebook status from my iPod so people will see that I posted from a 'mobile device' and think I'm out at a bar having a life, instead of sitting at home on my bed watching movies on my Netflix. FML

by tbeemcgeebee / 08/01/2010 at 1:05am / United States (New York) / Geek

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

by breathexali / 07/24/2010 at 6:50am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I ran over a newspaper with the lawnmower, instantly volunteering myself to pick up confetti for hours. FML

by rofld / 07/14/2010 at 12:47pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, hoping to avoid the rain because I had just gotten an expensive perm, I ducked under an awning. At that moment, the store manager shook the awning, and about 6 hours of rain dumped on my head. FML

by dammitrain / 07/13/2010 at 3:43pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had an interview. I didn't get the job because apparently customers might not understand me, since I "talk too good." I just graduated with an English degree. FML

by alejandro38 / 07/11/2010 at 10:44am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and must have rolled off. When I woke up, I noticed my braces were stuck to the rug. After frantically pulling, my mom finally sawed me off the rug with scissors. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2010 at 12:19am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, after two hours, I finally got my very cranky, sick baby to fall asleep. Five minutes later, a neighbor started shooting off fireworks. FML

by yrfavweapon / 07/02/2010 at 3:29pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I gave the toast at my sister's wedding which was outside. Before I started, the wind blew up my dress and wouldn't let up. Instead of giving my heartfelt speech, I spent five minutes fighting with my dress as 130 people pointed at my floral-printed underwear and laughed loudly. FML

by Kim422 / 06/28/2010 at 2:18am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother wore a see through shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra. FML

by noname / 06/25/2010 at 1:29pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, after several hours of trying to get my triplet daughters to go to bed, they finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I went to the bathroom so I could go to bed. Not thinking about it, I dropped the toilet seat down rather loudly and flushed the toilet. All three girls woke up crying. FML

by sigh... / 06/25/2010 at 2:44am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I went into the store where my boyfriend works. I saw him talking to a customer, his back was facing me, so I went up and smacked his butt. Turns out it wasn't him. FML

by pizzafreak18 / 06/21/2010 at 10:21am / United States (New York) / Love