FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I was riding the subway when a beautiful topless girl walked into my car and sat directly in front of me. Then, the train stopped abruptly and I banged my head. The girl was gone and I realized it had all been a dream. Then I realized I was supposed to get off 17 stops ago. FML

by Peekaman / 08/15/2010 at 6:31pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I picked up a penny off the street for good luck on my job interview. A few seconds later, a hobo beat me up, took my wallet, and ran off. The whole ordeal made me late for the interview. So much for good luck. FML

by hobosarea-holes / 08/14/2010 at 7:10pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my girlfriend and I made lists of what celebrities we're interested in. The first one she listed wasn't a celebrity - it was my brother. He's spending the weekend with us. FML

by Chad / 08/14/2010 at 1:37pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was shopping at a store from which I had previously bought a shirt. The clerk accused me of trying to steal my own shirt and called security. They examined it and argued with me for so long I was late to work. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2010 at 5:34pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my boyfriend texted me, and asked if he could come over to 'have some fun'. Thinking we were going to do it, I freshened up. Turns out his idea of 'having some fun' is playing Doodle Jump and Angry Birds on my iPod. For three hours. FML

by kylie / 08/10/2010 at 3:22am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I misspelled the word "failure" in front of all my co-workers. Now I'm not given any writing tasks. FML

by Fml24609 / 08/09/2010 at 4:29am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my grandma bought me a cemetery plot for my birthday. If that's not weird enough, it's about a 2 mile walk from where the rest of my family will be buried. FML

by sicufovoshxbsjdk / 08/06/2010 at 10:22pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 24 year old girlfriend plugged her ears and stomped her feet while making really loud noises in our local video store. She then refused to stop until I agreed to rent and watch The Notebook with her. FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2010 at 12:34pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He went outside for a "breather" and never came back. FML

by Alisha Marie / 08/04/2010 at 12:20am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML

by fatty / 08/03/2010 at 6:37pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, at 2 am on a Saturday, I purposely updated my Facebook status from my iPod so people will see that I posted from a 'mobile device' and think I'm out at a bar having a life, instead of sitting at home on my bed watching movies on my Netflix. FML

by tbeemcgeebee / 08/01/2010 at 1:05am / United States (New York) / Geek

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

by breathexali / 07/24/2010 at 6:50am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I ran over a newspaper with the lawnmower, instantly volunteering myself to pick up confetti for hours. FML

by rofld / 07/14/2010 at 12:47pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous