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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I drove 100 miles from my parents house to mine. I had only a few miles left when I realized I really had to pee. I didn't want to pull over somewhere when I was so close to home, so I sped up. A cop pulled me over a block from my house. I started to sob, and ended up peeing myself. FML

#5897167
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32237) - you deserved it (13763)

On 10/19/2009 at 3:16pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

#5851325
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20054) - you deserved it (3556)

On 10/16/2009 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by damnit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who has ever wished that I had a good day, or wished that I had anything pleasant for that matter, is Charlie Gibson on World News Tonight. FML

#5832745
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19637) - you deserved it (3039)

On 10/14/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by newscomes (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while working as a plain clothes police officer, I witnessed a fight in a front yard. My partner and I intervened and clearly identified ourselves as police. Unfortunately, the two guys' mother didn't have her hearing aid in, and hit my arm with a baseball bat. FML

#5792064
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29693) - you deserved it (3896)

On 10/12/2009 at 4:38am - work - by Undercover (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized I've been acting very paranoid lately. I was mugged a few weeks ago, so I've been nervous. I've been holding my hands in my pockets and looking around on my way outside from work. Apparently, that's grounds to arrest someone under suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon. FML

#5773283
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31877) - you deserved it (2854)

On 10/11/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by PackingSpaceHeat (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

#5769209
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7529) - you deserved it (107177)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:40am - health - by zappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

#5762381
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8120) - you deserved it (41695)

On 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by BEE (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, the disgruntled ex-boyfriend of a woman who lives three floors down from me slashed her tires for breaking up with him. He also, for good measure, slashed the tires of the person parked to the left and right of her. I was parked to the right of her. FML

#5743419
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32695) - you deserved it (1796)

On 10/09/2009 at 5:34pm - misc - by sofked (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that the phrase I got tattooed on my lower back is misspelled. FML

#5680607
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13913) - you deserved it (61113)

On 10/06/2009 at 10:38am - misc - by TatooFAIL (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

#5680173
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22780) - you deserved it (2863)

On 10/06/2009 at 9:53am - intimacy - by Crappit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML

#5679558
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40657) - you deserved it (3901)

On 10/06/2009 at 8:08am - kids - by laurwitharawr (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, one of my best friends went into labor 14 days early. I'd told my boss previously about this and that I need to be there for my friend as she doesn't really have any family. My boss will not let me leave work to be there. Why? I didn't give enough notice. FML

#5660811
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34969) - you deserved it (2864)

On 10/05/2009 at 11:45am - kids - by musicalkitcat (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I noticed that my acne has gotten so bad, I can see it out of my peripheral vision. FML

#5640097
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45208) - you deserved it (8530)

On 10/04/2009 at 11:41am - health - by ew (woman) - United States (New York)



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