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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

#21084464
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37884) - you deserved it (5514)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I asked my boss for a few days off next week, because my grandmother passed away yesterday and I'll need to travel to attend the funeral. His response: "She's dead, you're not. You want time off, then quit." FML

#21080680
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56022) - you deserved it (3485)

On 03/07/2014 at 5:31pm - misc - by GLHan (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

#21076752
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42871) - you deserved it (7750)

On 03/03/2014 at 10:55am - kids - by adopted (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

#21069326
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50575) - you deserved it (6684)

On 02/23/2014 at 12:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

#21057121
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47538) - you deserved it (8044)

On 02/11/2014 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

#21055217
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38888) - you deserved it (7479)

On 02/09/2014 at 9:36am - misc - by took it - United States (New York)

Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

#21050614
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38053) - you deserved it (7134)

On 02/04/2014 at 8:03pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, as I came home from school, I saw a little rock in the road. I kicked it, intending to send it sailing into the bushes in front of my house. It went wide and sailed straight into a window instead. FML

#21050272
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29557) - you deserved it (14777)

On 02/04/2014 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend decided the best way to inform me of his shoplifting tendencies was to steal stuff while we were at Starbucks. FML

#21049681
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37379) - you deserved it (3998)

On 02/03/2014 at 8:30pm - love - by lbailey32 - United States (New York)

Today, I was bitched out at 2am by my parents, for trying to "sneak out." I was sneaking out of my bedroom to take a crap. FML

#21048094
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41110) - you deserved it (3581)

On 02/02/2014 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my mom announced to everyone that she wants at least ten grandchildren. I'm an only child. FML

Today, my Axe shampoo, body wash, and deodorant finally did their job: they got a girl to notice me. Too bad the girl was my grandma. FML

#21047196
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36477) - you deserved it (12224)

On 02/01/2014 at 1:37pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

#21044466
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47744) - you deserved it (21041)

On 01/29/2014 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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