Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from New York

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

#21101196
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35659) - you deserved it (5226)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML

#21101191
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39021) - you deserved it (6210)

On 03/31/2014 at 6:05pm - love - by Jaime - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a wedding reception with loud music. A guy told me that his sister couldn't be there because she "went home to be with her boy." I said, "That's too bad, she's missing a great party." He paused and repeated, "She went home to be with her LORD." FML

#21100696
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33578) - you deserved it (4318)

On 03/31/2014 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

#21094789
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30280) - you deserved it (16197)

On 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm - misc - by chocochoco - United States (New York)

Today, I was telling my friends about a date I had recently that went badly, because the guy turned out to be a moron. I said the last straw was when I used the word "decipher" and was met with a blank stare. I was then met with more blank stares. FML

#21090611
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37803) - you deserved it (6355)

On 03/19/2014 at 2:25am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu, and I thought I'd get a nice tip. Instead, he tipped me a scrap of paper, containing a drawing of a cock jizzing on a caricature of my face, and the word "Thanks." FML

#21088206
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42214) - you deserved it (3759)

On 03/16/2014 at 2:53pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking through the main lobby at school and I saw someone waving at me, so I waved back. Turns out she was just cleaning a glass door. I heard laughter behind me. FML

#21085559
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38361) - you deserved it (5799)

On 03/13/2014 at 7:59am - misc - by Crochocinco85 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

#21084464
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37908) - you deserved it (5518)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I asked my boss for a few days off next week, because my grandmother passed away yesterday and I'll need to travel to attend the funeral. His response: "She's dead, you're not. You want time off, then quit." FML

#21080680
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56062) - you deserved it (3487)

On 03/07/2014 at 5:31pm - misc - by GLHan (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

#21076752
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42893) - you deserved it (7751)

On 03/03/2014 at 10:55am - kids - by adopted (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

#21069326
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50646) - you deserved it (6689)

On 02/23/2014 at 12:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

#21057121
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47577) - you deserved it (8053)

On 02/11/2014 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

#21055217
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38922) - you deserved it (7481)

On 02/09/2014 at 9:36am - misc - by took it - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: