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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML

#21350938
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29189) - you deserved it (2765)

On 02/06/2015 at 1:51pm - misc - by valarmorgoolies (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got hit between the legs with a kayak. FML

Today, instead of taking down the Christmas tree, my sister covered it with Valentine's Day decorations. FML

Today, my dad was looking for a flashlight in my bedroom. He trashed the place, which I'd just cleaned. Turns out the flashlight was in his bedroom. Then I got a 10 minute lecture on how I was such a slob and I should take more care of my bedroom. FML

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

#21335701
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36387) - you deserved it (13854)

On 01/12/2015 at 11:43am - intimacy - by bowler99 - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

#21335578
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32423) - you deserved it (6959)

On 01/12/2015 at 2:56am - intimacy - by briiiiiiii123 - United States (New York)

Today, I got a yeast infection, caused by the antibiotics for my UTI. I got the UTI after having sex for the first time in a year. A couple of minutes of sex have ruined my health. FML

#21334755
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26758) - you deserved it (3860)

On 01/10/2015 at 10:21pm - health - by so much for romance - United States (New York)

Today, the dry skin on my feet has gotten so bad that my boyfriend uses my feet to itch his legs when we're cuddling. FML

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

#21328962
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31028) - you deserved it (4589)

On 01/01/2015 at 10:22pm - intimacy - by mrwilly (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was supposed to be exactly when the ball dropped at midnight. Unfortunately my mother called her at 11:55pm to ask her if she liked the ring. FML

#21328278
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40978) - you deserved it (3233)

On 01/01/2015 at 12:47am - love - by Proposal Fail - United States (New York)

Today, I had to deal with numerous complaints about an employee washing their genitals in the communal bathroom sink. Nothing in the HR manual prepared me for this. FML

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

#21324616
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27569) - you deserved it (3410)

On 12/26/2014 at 9:58am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML

#21320583
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31039) - you deserved it (2292)

On 12/19/2014 at 10:16pm - misc - by cantunhear - United States (New York)



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