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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I got my license. Instead of congratulating me, my buddies created a betting pool for when I get into a serious accident. Thanks for the support. FML

#19412745
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18820) - you deserved it (3253)

On 04/05/2012 at 4:07pm - misc - by anal4me (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while mowing the lawn, I ran over a hornet's nest. FML

#19391692
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24533) - you deserved it (2913)

On 04/01/2012 at 10:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was holding our weekly poker game with a few work buddies. My psychotic, live-in mother-in-law wasted no time jumping into the game, cheating me out of $150, my new wristwatch, and what little pride I had left. FML

#19378087
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16189) - you deserved it (9208)

On 03/30/2012 at 7:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I spotted a $100 bill on the ground. Being a little strapped for cash, I excitedly picked it up. I discovered it was one of those religious tract papers made to look like a folded bill, with a message scolding me for being greedy. FML

#19328317
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26006) - you deserved it (4146)

On 03/22/2012 at 7:32pm - misc - by Anon (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML

#19320303
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25925) - you deserved it (1964)

On 03/21/2012 at 1:10pm - work - by Username - United States (New York)

Today, I was watching a kid at school walk like a gangster. My teacher was standing there, so I stood behind the kid and walked like him, laughing to myself, at which point my teacher took me to one side and told me the kid was handicapped. FML

#19277499
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8760) - you deserved it (52831)

On 03/14/2012 at 4:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Every time when I touched her, the jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

#19253707
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23445) - you deserved it (2852)

On 03/10/2012 at 8:41pm - misc - by Jimii Liu (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered that the amount of alcohol I have to drink to build up enough courage to talk to women at a bar is the exact amount of alcohol that prevents me from getting a boner. FML

#19249141
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27639) - you deserved it (7845)

On 03/10/2012 at 1:00am - intimacy - by socially awkward - United States (New York)

Today, I went swimming in a pond. I came out covered in leeches. Terrified, I screamed, flailed about and cried out for help until half a dozen people ran over. One of them was kind enough to point out that those leeches I was so afraid of were actually patches of mud. FML

#19223342
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7577) - you deserved it (27069)

On 03/05/2012 at 8:36pm - misc - by asdfBUTT (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober at the time. FML

#19194281
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22492) - you deserved it (18902)

On 03/01/2012 at 6:35am - intimacy - by ShitFaced (man) - United States (New York)

Today, in bio class, we were studying the reproductive system. I don't like talking about this stuff, and I twitched every time my teacher said "penis" or "vagina." When I told my family, they laughed and kept repeating those words just to see me twitch. FML

#19182988
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9813) - you deserved it (31810)

On 02/28/2012 at 4:03pm - misc - by kal - United States (New York)

Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML

#19164002
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28138) - you deserved it (5103)

On 02/25/2012 at 10:13pm - misc - by baconandkittens (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

#19156948
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10041) - you deserved it (54406)

On 02/24/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



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